This medication, medroxyprogesterone...say what?!?
Well what the doctor so nicely forgot to mention was how sick it would make me...
Yuck, and I have to take this for 7 days?!?
What a long week this is going to be...
Lets rewind a little bit...
Fathers day of 2010:
Sitting around the dinner table just the two of us enjoying a meal of chicken sandwiches and I'm complaining that I just don't feel that lovely... I was achey and tired and just all in all not in a great mood. He looks at me and asks... "babe, are you pregnant?" I couldn't have laughed in his face any harder! Me?? Pregnant?? We've only been dating for 7 months! Theres no way... He decides to run to the drugstore and pick up a test, he returned and I couldn't wait to take that test and prove to him I wasn't pregnant!
3 minutes later.
Pregnant...
Are you kidding me?
I'm 20 years old, not married, with this man for 7 months, and I'm pregnant? I thought this would never happen to me. I thought I'd have a career going, a husband, a house, let alone a room to put this baby in. Can I raise a baby? Yeah I worked in a childrens nursery for 5 years, it's not the same! I would just call someones parents if the child got out of hand. I'm having a baby.... I'm having a baby! And the most wonderful man is going to be the father!! I haven't told him yet, i gotta get out of this bathroom and tell him.
"Babe?" while holding the test
"No way.."
"I'm pregnant!"
The amount of love that came out of his eyes. The amount of joy that was in this room at this moment when we jumped into eachothers arms. We kissed and hugged and cried because we're having a baby! We couldn't have been more excited. We get on the phone with everybody we knew. People we haven't talked to in years we called and told. We wanted to shout it from our itty bitty apartment rooftop. We laid in bed that night thinking of names, and we came up with Colyn if it's a boy and Clarissa if it's a girl. I can't believe we're having a baby...
The next morning, I set up a doctors appointment to figure out what the hell do I do now? They give me my prenatal vitamins, we discuss a healthy diet, and in 6 weeks they will do the first ultra sound. I am so excited! I get to see this being in my body, I actually get to see him or her!
*Sigh* I can't wait
A week or so later on July 4th...
"Babe, I'm starting to bleed..."
I call a few parents to see what they recommend and I'm told if it gets worse, go to the ER.
It got worse...
7:00pm We arrive at the ER. Tell them whats happening and we wait.... and wait, and wait...
1:00am "Denise?" Yes! Finally someone to see me! I follow the nurse into this little room and she gives me a gown to put on and lay on the bed. And I wait...
3:00am "Denise? Time for an ultra sound" I'm excited. I'm scared. I'm wheeled down the hallway to this freezing cold room. I have to pee like the dickens but I'm not allowed to! The Ultrasound Technician asks "how far along are you?" I tell her i'm not sure but somewhere within 6-8 weeks. She looks back at the monitor. "See this right here? This could be something but I doubt it is... according to what I see you are not pregnant."
I could have killed her...
She was the meanest women I've ever met. No remorse. It's like she hated her job that much and couldn't wait for her shift to be over, and shoved me out of the room like I was nothing. I'm taken back to my room and we wait for the doctor to discharge us.
7:45am "Alright, Denise and Joe, we can't say for sure you've miscarried but it doesn't look like the baby is still there, tomorrow go take some more tests and we will know for sure."
*sigh* I don't know if I was more mad for waiting over 12 hours for a job that could've been done in 1, or if I was just so overly exhausted I didn't care about anything.
Long story short, I miscarried.
I cried for days on end, I couldn't do anything... I could barely get out of bed. I never thought in a million years that I would lose a baby. It didn't make sense. I thought miscarriages happened because the mother was neglecting their duties as a mother? I thought in order to miscarry you need to do something to harm that baby. Smoking, drinking, drugs? I didn't do anything. Why on earth did I miscarry? I ate my veggies, I took my vitamins like clockwork. What did we do wrong?!
We want to try again. We live out lives day to day, we do our same routine, I enroll in school and begin my path to a career.
November 15th, 2010.
I'm pregnant!!
I'm stressed, I'm scared, I'm excited, I'm nervous.
Do I tell people this time?
We told our parents so we'd have some support system.
I call my doctor and and she sends me for blood tests right away. They came back low on a few hormones and she told me that can be normal we'll take a few more just to be sure. A week later, on the day before thanksgiving, I start to bleed.
Oh my goodness not again... I can't do this again. We cannot take another devastation like this.
November 25th, 2010 Thankgiving Day.
We put on smiles and eat lots of a food. This is a day for family and being close to everyone and nothing is going to bring us down, but damn it I had to pee!
What I saw changed my life...
The remanence...
I can't...
We left thanksgiving early, went home, and I cried...
The doctors were all on vacation, I couldn't get a hold of anyone, I'm not sitting in an ER for 13 hours.
Monday morning I went for lab work and it confirmed our greatest fear...
Another miscarriage.
We cried for days... I didn't do anything wrong? And this time we were careful! I took my vitamins, and ate my veggies...
We're told there is nothing they can do until a year of trying and/or 3 miscarriages.
What a rough couple of months...
"Babe, lets do things right..."
We get engaged, get married, accept god into our lives and just live our lives.
1 year later, still no pregnancy, no end in sight really.
And that's why babies are breaking our heart...
Fast forward back to reality!
After a year of trying to concieve with no success, we call our doctor with concern and back to that yucky medicine. They will do some hormone testing to see what I'm low on and we'll go from there, right?
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