Joe's company is based out of Appleton, Wisconsin; a small town in the middle of nowhere.
He brought up the idea a few months ago that maybe one day we could move out there because he always wanted to go back to the midwest. But I told him that there's no way I'd move that far away! Delaware is my home, I'd miss it too much.
The past few months or so we've been really considering purchasing a house, and just for kicks I looked up houses in Appleton.
Holy crap!
You get about twice as much house for half the price out there. Ridiculous.
I was like, okay let me look up apartments. $450.00 for a luxury 1200 sq. ft. apartment.
WHAT?!
You can't even get the basement of a convicted murderer for that cheap!
I got sucked in.
Before I knew it I was looking up schools and churches and local fairs.
This town has that "small town" feel to it. Joe absolutely loves it. It's only fair that I check it out right?
Our vacation is coming up soon and we've decided to spend a few days in Wisconsin and see how we really like it. I've found a local church that we're going to attend, a few activities to do there, and I think if nothing else it'll be really fun. He also knows a lady up in the area who has lived there for years and we're going to spend a day with her really getting to know the area.
My heart aches.
Everyday here is just a bad day...
I look around our area and the children and schools, and I don't want to raise my child in Delaware.
Having flight benefits is always a plus and I can hop on a plan anytime I'd like.
But I'm really starting to think the middle of nowhere is kind of what we need right now...
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Monday, February 20, 2012
The waiting game...
It's been a little bit since I've written and it's because I haven't had a whole lot to say...
I feel like everything is kinda put on hold...
Since the beginning of the year we're trying a more natural approach to trying to conceive a baby. I started taking the multi-vitamin that has a "baby in every bottle", had a reiki session, drinking my tea and a few other things...
I went to my initial exam with this new doctor last week and did an ultra sounds and somehow I ovulated on my own this month...
Was it a coincidence or is this stuff really working???
So, this was last Tuesday and if my cycle doesn't come on before next Tuesday the 28th, I go back for more tests.... So this week is just a waiting game.
Fun right?
As for my old doctors office...
This new place really needs my medical records so they aren't billing insurance twice for tests. I was hesitant because I still wanted to have the surgery on my tubes and didn't wanna burn any bridges so to speak. They said I can request my records just for my personal recods but they were going to charge for them, so I said screw it, I'm just gonna sign a release and get my records sent to them, whats the worse that can happen?
I get a voicemail about 30 minutes after the release was sent from one of the nurses. It was the single most nastiest messages I've ever received. Basically, it went like this:
"Hi, Denise. This is ***** calling about a release of your medical records to another fertility clinic. I'm just calling to take you off our schedule for your surgery so we can make room for someone who actually goes to our office, Thank you!"
Are you kidding me?
What if I was just going to get a second opinion??
It pissed me off so bad, I called her back and gave her a piece of my mind and will never step foot back into that office.
People can be so rude...
I feel like everything is kinda put on hold...
Since the beginning of the year we're trying a more natural approach to trying to conceive a baby. I started taking the multi-vitamin that has a "baby in every bottle", had a reiki session, drinking my tea and a few other things...
I went to my initial exam with this new doctor last week and did an ultra sounds and somehow I ovulated on my own this month...
Was it a coincidence or is this stuff really working???
So, this was last Tuesday and if my cycle doesn't come on before next Tuesday the 28th, I go back for more tests.... So this week is just a waiting game.
Fun right?
As for my old doctors office...
This new place really needs my medical records so they aren't billing insurance twice for tests. I was hesitant because I still wanted to have the surgery on my tubes and didn't wanna burn any bridges so to speak. They said I can request my records just for my personal recods but they were going to charge for them, so I said screw it, I'm just gonna sign a release and get my records sent to them, whats the worse that can happen?
I get a voicemail about 30 minutes after the release was sent from one of the nurses. It was the single most nastiest messages I've ever received. Basically, it went like this:
"Hi, Denise. This is ***** calling about a release of your medical records to another fertility clinic. I'm just calling to take you off our schedule for your surgery so we can make room for someone who actually goes to our office, Thank you!"
Are you kidding me?
What if I was just going to get a second opinion??
It pissed me off so bad, I called her back and gave her a piece of my mind and will never step foot back into that office.
People can be so rude...
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Where's the motivation?
In 2010 when me and Joe found out we were going to be expecting a baby, shortly after I realized I needed a way to pay for the pregnancy. I had a part time job at Target, no benefits, nothin'! We didn't want to get married simply because I got pregnant, and my only other choice of insurance was to go through the state and get medicaid.
I go to the little medicaid office and fill out paper work and get a proof of pregnancy from my doctor and they set me up with all kinds of benefits. I would have gotten a totally free pregnancy, all my visits were covered, and they were even gonna put me on WIC so I would've gotten food stamps.
A little embarrassing, but hey, I'll take what I can get!
After the miscarriage my medicaid remained until I turned 21. About 2 months before my 21st birthday, I realized my mouth was killing me and my eyes were straining. So I go and get my wisdom teeth checked out, and they tell me everything will be covered all I have to do is set up an appointment! Okay! I get all 4 of my wisdom teeth pulled out, my prescription for percocets was free, and I got out of work to 2 days. Can't beat that right?
A few weeks later I make an eye doctors appointment to get them checked out because I was blind as a bat at night. I go in there expecting to have to pay for my glasses, duh, and maybe a copay for the exam. They call me back for the exam, tell me what my prescription is and hand me a case of 15-20 pairs of glasses I can choose from for free! Hell yeah! And if I don't like those, medicaid will pay up to $100.00 of the designer glasses. Being the cheap ass that I am, I go for the free ones, and pick out a nice pair of glasses, and they fit them to my face, and I was excited! My first pair of glasses! They said they'll call me in 2 weeks when they arrive.
What, no copay?
"Nope, it's covered! Have a nice day."
Well, damn! Gonna cook me dinner too??
Joe started his job back in July of 2011, and when they handed us a benefits packet to fill out and see what different plans there are to choose from, I got even more excited. My first real insurance, I won't be embarrassed to hand someone my medicaid card. We choose a dental plan, an eye plan, and a health plan. We pay a pretty penny for this insurance every month, but I thought it'd all be worth it.
Right?
You'd think having a job and actually paying for your insurance would be a good thing, right?
WRONG!
The only good thing about this insurance is the fact just about everyone accepts Blue Cross Blue Shield. It sucks that everytime I go into a doctors office, whether it's to pick up a prescription, or to tell my doctor I have a sore throat, bam! $15.00 copay.
Okay, okay... That's not too bad, 15 bucks? But, when I was on medicaid it was free....?!?!
I went to the eye doctor this week to upgrade my glasses and see about getting a stronger prescription because these ones I'm still blind.
I go in for my exam, phew! No copay. But don't worry they still got in their sucker punch. They hand me my prescription and send me off to pick out my glasses, and she gives me a cute little box to walk around with and pick out glasses that I like the style of. I get about 3 or 4 in my box and I happen to see a price, $260.00!! WTF! I nicely go up to her and ask what my insurance covers or if there were any that were free that my insurance will cover. She politely says, "No there are no free ones, but your insurance will cover $100.00 of any pair and then you pay only 80% of the remaining charge!" So you're saying my insurance that I pay for every month, barely covers anything...correct?
She told me they cover the anti scratch coating but everything else there are % charges for.
So basically I'd be paying about $200.00 for a pair of damn glasses...
Umm....What?
So what your saying is...
People who pay for insurance monthly, who have a job, and work their butt off, are being totally screwed?
That's basically what it sounds like.
When I was on medicaid, life was handed to me on a freakin' silver platter. And now because Joe and I have real jobs we're being screwed out of thousands of dollars a year on insurance and co pays?
Now, I understand medicaid is there for a reason, and I'm not dogging on people who have it...
But, is there something wrong with this picture or am I just crazy?
I go to the little medicaid office and fill out paper work and get a proof of pregnancy from my doctor and they set me up with all kinds of benefits. I would have gotten a totally free pregnancy, all my visits were covered, and they were even gonna put me on WIC so I would've gotten food stamps.
A little embarrassing, but hey, I'll take what I can get!
After the miscarriage my medicaid remained until I turned 21. About 2 months before my 21st birthday, I realized my mouth was killing me and my eyes were straining. So I go and get my wisdom teeth checked out, and they tell me everything will be covered all I have to do is set up an appointment! Okay! I get all 4 of my wisdom teeth pulled out, my prescription for percocets was free, and I got out of work to 2 days. Can't beat that right?
A few weeks later I make an eye doctors appointment to get them checked out because I was blind as a bat at night. I go in there expecting to have to pay for my glasses, duh, and maybe a copay for the exam. They call me back for the exam, tell me what my prescription is and hand me a case of 15-20 pairs of glasses I can choose from for free! Hell yeah! And if I don't like those, medicaid will pay up to $100.00 of the designer glasses. Being the cheap ass that I am, I go for the free ones, and pick out a nice pair of glasses, and they fit them to my face, and I was excited! My first pair of glasses! They said they'll call me in 2 weeks when they arrive.
What, no copay?
"Nope, it's covered! Have a nice day."
Well, damn! Gonna cook me dinner too??
Joe started his job back in July of 2011, and when they handed us a benefits packet to fill out and see what different plans there are to choose from, I got even more excited. My first real insurance, I won't be embarrassed to hand someone my medicaid card. We choose a dental plan, an eye plan, and a health plan. We pay a pretty penny for this insurance every month, but I thought it'd all be worth it.
Right?
You'd think having a job and actually paying for your insurance would be a good thing, right?
WRONG!
The only good thing about this insurance is the fact just about everyone accepts Blue Cross Blue Shield. It sucks that everytime I go into a doctors office, whether it's to pick up a prescription, or to tell my doctor I have a sore throat, bam! $15.00 copay.
Okay, okay... That's not too bad, 15 bucks? But, when I was on medicaid it was free....?!?!
I went to the eye doctor this week to upgrade my glasses and see about getting a stronger prescription because these ones I'm still blind.
I go in for my exam, phew! No copay. But don't worry they still got in their sucker punch. They hand me my prescription and send me off to pick out my glasses, and she gives me a cute little box to walk around with and pick out glasses that I like the style of. I get about 3 or 4 in my box and I happen to see a price, $260.00!! WTF! I nicely go up to her and ask what my insurance covers or if there were any that were free that my insurance will cover. She politely says, "No there are no free ones, but your insurance will cover $100.00 of any pair and then you pay only 80% of the remaining charge!" So you're saying my insurance that I pay for every month, barely covers anything...correct?
She told me they cover the anti scratch coating but everything else there are % charges for.
So basically I'd be paying about $200.00 for a pair of damn glasses...
Umm....What?
So what your saying is...
People who pay for insurance monthly, who have a job, and work their butt off, are being totally screwed?
That's basically what it sounds like.
When I was on medicaid, life was handed to me on a freakin' silver platter. And now because Joe and I have real jobs we're being screwed out of thousands of dollars a year on insurance and co pays?
Now, I understand medicaid is there for a reason, and I'm not dogging on people who have it...
But, is there something wrong with this picture or am I just crazy?
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Don't give up on me now...
I have donated blood plenty of times in the past 2 years. I like to do my part, people need blood transfusions every day. I'm a fantastic donor also! I can pump out a pint in under 5 minutes! For those of you who have never given blood, they do a pre-screening test of about 25 questions. They also take a small sample of blood to see how your hemoglobin levels are.
Thursday night was Joe and I's turn to donate blood. We get there and get set up in our little room. They start off by taking my hemoglobin levels and I am measured at 12.3 and you need a 12.5 in order to donate. Are you kidding me? They took it again to make sure it was an accurate reading... and of course, it was. What in the world. So, I couldn't donate and they told me to come back in a week..
Fine...
As I'm waiting in the canteen for Joe to finish giving blood, about 3 minutes later he walks up to me and asks what I'm doing! I told him I was denied because my levels were too low and he said he got denied because he had a tattoo!!
What in the world is going on!
They obviously aren't in desperate need for blood.
We left and I was a little discouraged I couldn't donate.
I'm discouraged because I feel like my body isn't letting me do anything I want.
Is that selfish?
It sounded a little selfish as I wrote it.
I can't be as active as I'd like because my back won't let me walk more than 20 seconds until I'm crippled with pain.
I can't have a child because my insides are all messed up.
And now I can't even donate blood??
Come on, body, don't give up on me now...
This past week or so I've been trying to take a more natural approach to trying to have a child.
I starting taking this new multi-vitamin which is for old people, but apparently there is a "baby in every bottle" haha. And I drink a cup of "pregnancy tea" every morning with certain herbs to help balance out the body.
It can't hurt, right?
Tuesday morning is my visit with the new doctors and I am crazy excited. I feel like they are really gonna take the time to help us out.
Moving on.
Something has really been bothering me lately...
In my small journey to better myself and just all around become a better person. My number 1 goal is to be more helpful.
I've always been one to help and care for people, that's just what I do.
Everytime I extend my hand to help someone, or be there for someone, I get snubbed and it's starting to really frustrate me. I sit here and watch people bitch about one thing or another, and when I hand them my help on a freakin' silver platter, they push me away like I'm inconveniencing them.
If someone were to hand you a thousand bucks and told you to just take it, don't worry about paying them back, and don't feel bad about it.
You'd take it right?
Duh.
Thursday night was Joe and I's turn to donate blood. We get there and get set up in our little room. They start off by taking my hemoglobin levels and I am measured at 12.3 and you need a 12.5 in order to donate. Are you kidding me? They took it again to make sure it was an accurate reading... and of course, it was. What in the world. So, I couldn't donate and they told me to come back in a week..
Fine...
As I'm waiting in the canteen for Joe to finish giving blood, about 3 minutes later he walks up to me and asks what I'm doing! I told him I was denied because my levels were too low and he said he got denied because he had a tattoo!!
What in the world is going on!
They obviously aren't in desperate need for blood.
We left and I was a little discouraged I couldn't donate.
I'm discouraged because I feel like my body isn't letting me do anything I want.
Is that selfish?
It sounded a little selfish as I wrote it.
I can't be as active as I'd like because my back won't let me walk more than 20 seconds until I'm crippled with pain.
I can't have a child because my insides are all messed up.
And now I can't even donate blood??
Come on, body, don't give up on me now...
This past week or so I've been trying to take a more natural approach to trying to have a child.
I starting taking this new multi-vitamin which is for old people, but apparently there is a "baby in every bottle" haha. And I drink a cup of "pregnancy tea" every morning with certain herbs to help balance out the body.
It can't hurt, right?
Tuesday morning is my visit with the new doctors and I am crazy excited. I feel like they are really gonna take the time to help us out.
Moving on.
Something has really been bothering me lately...
In my small journey to better myself and just all around become a better person. My number 1 goal is to be more helpful.
I've always been one to help and care for people, that's just what I do.
Everytime I extend my hand to help someone, or be there for someone, I get snubbed and it's starting to really frustrate me. I sit here and watch people bitch about one thing or another, and when I hand them my help on a freakin' silver platter, they push me away like I'm inconveniencing them.
If someone were to hand you a thousand bucks and told you to just take it, don't worry about paying them back, and don't feel bad about it.
You'd take it right?
Duh.
Monday, January 30, 2012
People will do anything for a quick buck...
I've been going to this doctors office to try and have a baby since about October. I chose them because there is 1 doctor, the staff is so nice, they know you by name and everyone is so helpful.
To know that they have totally and completely screwed me over really puts a dent in my happiness.
When we started going, I was told that insurance covers all diagnostic testing and procedures. So for them to tell me that a test here and there are not covered kinda raised an eyebrow, but these people know what their talking about right? Some tests were put on hold because they had to be paid out of pocket, the surgery was almost had to be paid for, I mean, we've put a lot of freakin money into this place because our insurance didn't cover everything.
The other day I called this new place because they do payments. Their billing department spoke with me over the phone and she said things just aren't adding up. She ask for my permission to call the insurance and ask if these tests were covered. I was a little hesitant because I didn't wanna raise any red flags to the insurance. She assured me nothing like that would happen and will get back with me.
This morning I had a very interesting conversation...
This new office is telling me all these future tests and surgeries will be covered, and all those tests I paid for before should have been covered.
Are you telling me these people lied to me to make money off me?
Was it an honest mistake?
How do you make a mistake like that.
But this leads me to my next question.
If they had submitted the testing and surgery to the insurance, they would have accepted it because it's covered...
Did they never submit any of this?!
You have got to be kidding me!
Needless to say, I have an appointment with this new doctor next Tuesday and will never step foot into that other office again!
To know that they have totally and completely screwed me over really puts a dent in my happiness.
When we started going, I was told that insurance covers all diagnostic testing and procedures. So for them to tell me that a test here and there are not covered kinda raised an eyebrow, but these people know what their talking about right? Some tests were put on hold because they had to be paid out of pocket, the surgery was almost had to be paid for, I mean, we've put a lot of freakin money into this place because our insurance didn't cover everything.
The other day I called this new place because they do payments. Their billing department spoke with me over the phone and she said things just aren't adding up. She ask for my permission to call the insurance and ask if these tests were covered. I was a little hesitant because I didn't wanna raise any red flags to the insurance. She assured me nothing like that would happen and will get back with me.
This morning I had a very interesting conversation...
This new office is telling me all these future tests and surgeries will be covered, and all those tests I paid for before should have been covered.
Are you telling me these people lied to me to make money off me?
Was it an honest mistake?
How do you make a mistake like that.
But this leads me to my next question.
If they had submitted the testing and surgery to the insurance, they would have accepted it because it's covered...
Did they never submit any of this?!
You have got to be kidding me!
Needless to say, I have an appointment with this new doctor next Tuesday and will never step foot into that other office again!
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Can you put a price on a child?
Okay here we go...
I've written this blog twice now. And each time I get close to the end my thumbs hit the mouse pad on my lap top and highlight something and the whole thing erases... UGH!
This time I am outsmarting this damn computer, and turning the mouse pad off!
Jeez...
Letting go of disappointment, keeping my head up, and staying brave.
It's a hell of a lot easier said than done...
This last round of Clomid failed to work, so Tuesday I had a consult with my doctor. I got some really good news and some really bad news.
He said he will do the surgery for me, run it under a different diagnosis, and it will be covered by insurance.. YAY! The next step would be to start a different approach with medication. It's a medication (Not sure the name of it, I think he said FSH or something) that is 5 times stronger than Clomid, and there is a high risk of muliples on this medication. Oh darn.... NOT! I would love to have mutiples lol. Unfortunately, this shot requires a lot of monitoring so I'd be going there more frequently which would raise a red flag to my insurance and it'd no longer be covered. Bummer... And they would do 2 rounds of IUI with this medication. Fun... So the price of this option, all office visits and blood work is $2,200.00. The medication is not included in that and depending on how much of a dosage I would need, it's anywhere from an additional $2,000-$4,000...
You've got to be kidding me....
Well, I ask if there are any other options, because I tell ya what...we do not have that kind of money just laying around.
The other option is to do IVF and I'm sure you all know what that is. But this would bypass the surgery, and I would no longer need it. Okay, well that sounds awesome. So, I ask them...how much is this one going to run me?
Mind you, I'm going into this thinking I'm going to spend a thousand dollars, maybe 2.
These people tell me it's $8,000.00 for IVF.... Not including medication, program fees, and all this other crap. So a total of almost $12,000!! Now you've really got to be kidding me....
I'd like to know what people do for a living to just say "Okay sign me up!"
I feel like I'm buying a car!
The absolute worst part about all this is that they don't accept payments. Now okay, I'd be paying for my baby for the next 4 years just like a car payment, I can do payments, but $12,000 up front?! Come on...you guys are killing me....
Leaving extremely discouraged and about the size of a peanut, I go home and collect my thoughts.
Can you really put a price on a child? If someone tells me I can't have a child unless I pay them X amount of dollars, I tell you this now, I will save until I'm blue in the face to reach X amount of dollars and make a baby. I've worked too damn hard to have money get in my way of becoming a mother. If you told me I can't have kids because of a medical condition, that's different, but money?
I don't think so...
I leave the house with this in mind, and I recieved a session of Reiki. I've never had it done before but I keep getting told it's exactly what I need... Well okay if you insist :-)
I went in with an open mind and throughout the entire thing it was a feeling I never experienced before. Being able to share your emotions with someone who knows just a handful about you. Being able to let them show you the journey you need to take to clear your mind and become at peace with your thoughts and how to manage them. I stood up, wiped away a few tears, and I felt cold inside. And not the kind of "cold hearted" most people think of. But I felt like so much bad energy was just cleared away and my body can finally breathe in fresh air.
I felt like a new person who could take on the world.
Combining that with a few breath prayers I was given by a special someone, I'm definately ready to take this whole situation on full force. I thought I was ready before and the difference between before and now, I actually believe in myself that I can do this. I will become a mother and Joe will become a father. We made a pact right?
What's my game plan?
I'm going to schedule the surgery. IVF or not, I want my tubes to be fixed. I'm going to ask this office again if they will work with me with payments, because if not I'm going to have to leave them. I found another office right in Christiana Hospital that actually accepts payments for their IVF program. If that is the way I need to go, then so be it. I love this office, I love the personal touch I get there, and I love the one on one time, but what good is that if I can't afford to be there?
I may love the look and feel of a brand new Audi, but I sure as hell can't afford to drive it! lol
I'm going to give this new place a call and set up a consultation and see what they can do for me. Let's keep our fingers crossed that something good really does come out of all this :-)
I just want to thank anyone who has been a part of this whole journey... Even the ones who just sit there an listen, believe me you have no idea how much it's appreciated...
Keep your head up, and keep those fingers crossed!
Oh, and the mousepad thing worked... And I think I'm going to use it from now on because it stopped me from getting distracted and going to facebook. Haha!
I've written this blog twice now. And each time I get close to the end my thumbs hit the mouse pad on my lap top and highlight something and the whole thing erases... UGH!
This time I am outsmarting this damn computer, and turning the mouse pad off!
Jeez...
Letting go of disappointment, keeping my head up, and staying brave.
It's a hell of a lot easier said than done...
This last round of Clomid failed to work, so Tuesday I had a consult with my doctor. I got some really good news and some really bad news.
He said he will do the surgery for me, run it under a different diagnosis, and it will be covered by insurance.. YAY! The next step would be to start a different approach with medication. It's a medication (Not sure the name of it, I think he said FSH or something) that is 5 times stronger than Clomid, and there is a high risk of muliples on this medication. Oh darn.... NOT! I would love to have mutiples lol. Unfortunately, this shot requires a lot of monitoring so I'd be going there more frequently which would raise a red flag to my insurance and it'd no longer be covered. Bummer... And they would do 2 rounds of IUI with this medication. Fun... So the price of this option, all office visits and blood work is $2,200.00. The medication is not included in that and depending on how much of a dosage I would need, it's anywhere from an additional $2,000-$4,000...
You've got to be kidding me....
Well, I ask if there are any other options, because I tell ya what...we do not have that kind of money just laying around.
The other option is to do IVF and I'm sure you all know what that is. But this would bypass the surgery, and I would no longer need it. Okay, well that sounds awesome. So, I ask them...how much is this one going to run me?
Mind you, I'm going into this thinking I'm going to spend a thousand dollars, maybe 2.
These people tell me it's $8,000.00 for IVF.... Not including medication, program fees, and all this other crap. So a total of almost $12,000!! Now you've really got to be kidding me....
I'd like to know what people do for a living to just say "Okay sign me up!"
I feel like I'm buying a car!
The absolute worst part about all this is that they don't accept payments. Now okay, I'd be paying for my baby for the next 4 years just like a car payment, I can do payments, but $12,000 up front?! Come on...you guys are killing me....
Leaving extremely discouraged and about the size of a peanut, I go home and collect my thoughts.
Can you really put a price on a child? If someone tells me I can't have a child unless I pay them X amount of dollars, I tell you this now, I will save until I'm blue in the face to reach X amount of dollars and make a baby. I've worked too damn hard to have money get in my way of becoming a mother. If you told me I can't have kids because of a medical condition, that's different, but money?
I don't think so...
I leave the house with this in mind, and I recieved a session of Reiki. I've never had it done before but I keep getting told it's exactly what I need... Well okay if you insist :-)
I went in with an open mind and throughout the entire thing it was a feeling I never experienced before. Being able to share your emotions with someone who knows just a handful about you. Being able to let them show you the journey you need to take to clear your mind and become at peace with your thoughts and how to manage them. I stood up, wiped away a few tears, and I felt cold inside. And not the kind of "cold hearted" most people think of. But I felt like so much bad energy was just cleared away and my body can finally breathe in fresh air.
I felt like a new person who could take on the world.
Combining that with a few breath prayers I was given by a special someone, I'm definately ready to take this whole situation on full force. I thought I was ready before and the difference between before and now, I actually believe in myself that I can do this. I will become a mother and Joe will become a father. We made a pact right?
What's my game plan?
I'm going to schedule the surgery. IVF or not, I want my tubes to be fixed. I'm going to ask this office again if they will work with me with payments, because if not I'm going to have to leave them. I found another office right in Christiana Hospital that actually accepts payments for their IVF program. If that is the way I need to go, then so be it. I love this office, I love the personal touch I get there, and I love the one on one time, but what good is that if I can't afford to be there?
I may love the look and feel of a brand new Audi, but I sure as hell can't afford to drive it! lol
I'm going to give this new place a call and set up a consultation and see what they can do for me. Let's keep our fingers crossed that something good really does come out of all this :-)
I just want to thank anyone who has been a part of this whole journey... Even the ones who just sit there an listen, believe me you have no idea how much it's appreciated...
Keep your head up, and keep those fingers crossed!
Oh, and the mousepad thing worked... And I think I'm going to use it from now on because it stopped me from getting distracted and going to facebook. Haha!
Sunday, January 15, 2012
We made a pact.
I've been trying for a week to write a blog.... and each time I started I got stumped on what to write or how I was feeling... But I finally got it.
A little background to my story:
When Joe first took this job working at Air Wisconsin, he said there was only so much he can move up in the company here in Philadelphia. If he wants to go even higher he would more than likely have to move to Wisconsin. I told him, "Hell No!" I was born here in Delaware, a majority of my family is here on the east coast, this is where I want to stay. Just the thought of moving halfway across the US gave me anxiety.
This past week I am trying to let go of disappointment in my life. Whether it be from past problems, grudges, or this whole baby thing (We'll get to more of that later).
So, I sat down to reevaluate our life.
We look around my little apartment, and we just reflect on everything that we do have, and don't bash ourselves for the things we don't. I look back 4 years at my first apartment, how I had a total of 2 paintings on the wall (I bought in the mall for $10.00), a couch, a dining room table I got off craigslist, and a matress that sat on the floor. And I guess that was okay for then, but now I've got 2 little dogs to take care of, I've got a husband to take care of. We've filled our walls with paintings and pictures of our families, we have bookshelves of all his favorite books and all of my favorite movies, a piano for Joe to practice on, a diningroom table that was passed down in his family, and we've upgraded to a beautiful sleigh bed. Well that's the the material things. The love that flows through our tiny apartment is unreal. We have so much love and care, we'd both do anything for eachother and others. As much as I'll miss this place, it's time to move :-).
Baby News?
No...
You know that test we were putting off, sono something? The one that was way to expensive to do at first and I figured, I got pregnant once before my tubes can't be blocked.
Boy was I wrong.
We ended up saving up and had the test done last friday.
Turns out my right tube is blocked. This can easily be fixed with a surgery. Now if the test was not covered by insurance, I'm pretty sure the surgery is not covered either. So, we'll find out on Tuesday what insurance says and what the doctors say...
But I feel like everything is stacking against us trying to have a baby.
I'm up to 4 flaws of why I can't have a baby!
Hah, and I thought I was healthy...
But, hopefully nothing else happens, hopefully this is all that is wrong with me and after these stupid problems are fixed we can finally start a family.
Joe hates seeing me upset and cry and get stressed over having a baby.
But I asked if I can have 10 minutes to cry my face off...
He said yes, of course.
He held me and I cried.
And I surprisingly felt really good afterwards!
I'm back on my feet! I'm ready to take this bull by the horns and totally beat this thing.
He keeps telling me that when we finally have this baby... We are going to have so much love for him or her and we are really going to appreciate all the work that we've done to get them more than anything else in the world.
I'm glad we've never been "given'' anything. I think that has been our plan from the start. Work hard and you'll be rewarded greatly. We're working our asses off to have a baby, hopefully we end up with 5 healthy ones! We're working our asses off to get a house, a great big one in the perfect neighborhood and a pool would be nice! We struggled with that stupid car for a year and we finally get a break on our payment, hell yeah!
We've worked for everything we have and in the process don't owe ANYBODY ANYTHING!
It's a great feeling.
Let's bring you up to speed.
The other night, another disappointment came...
And I took a deep breath, and realized I think it's time to move.
I actually considered moving to Wisconsin. I started looking at real estate out there and boy the houses there are beautiful!
And I did all that with no anxiety... So are we meant to move away? Get away from all the stress and disappointments here?
Or would that be considedered running away...
Hmm...
Me and Joe made a pact last night.
He's going to buy me a house, and I'm going to give him a baby.
No matter what!
:-)
A little background to my story:
When Joe first took this job working at Air Wisconsin, he said there was only so much he can move up in the company here in Philadelphia. If he wants to go even higher he would more than likely have to move to Wisconsin. I told him, "Hell No!" I was born here in Delaware, a majority of my family is here on the east coast, this is where I want to stay. Just the thought of moving halfway across the US gave me anxiety.
This past week I am trying to let go of disappointment in my life. Whether it be from past problems, grudges, or this whole baby thing (We'll get to more of that later).
So, I sat down to reevaluate our life.
We look around my little apartment, and we just reflect on everything that we do have, and don't bash ourselves for the things we don't. I look back 4 years at my first apartment, how I had a total of 2 paintings on the wall (I bought in the mall for $10.00), a couch, a dining room table I got off craigslist, and a matress that sat on the floor. And I guess that was okay for then, but now I've got 2 little dogs to take care of, I've got a husband to take care of. We've filled our walls with paintings and pictures of our families, we have bookshelves of all his favorite books and all of my favorite movies, a piano for Joe to practice on, a diningroom table that was passed down in his family, and we've upgraded to a beautiful sleigh bed. Well that's the the material things. The love that flows through our tiny apartment is unreal. We have so much love and care, we'd both do anything for eachother and others. As much as I'll miss this place, it's time to move :-).
Baby News?
No...
You know that test we were putting off, sono something? The one that was way to expensive to do at first and I figured, I got pregnant once before my tubes can't be blocked.
Boy was I wrong.
We ended up saving up and had the test done last friday.
Turns out my right tube is blocked. This can easily be fixed with a surgery. Now if the test was not covered by insurance, I'm pretty sure the surgery is not covered either. So, we'll find out on Tuesday what insurance says and what the doctors say...
But I feel like everything is stacking against us trying to have a baby.
I'm up to 4 flaws of why I can't have a baby!
Hah, and I thought I was healthy...
But, hopefully nothing else happens, hopefully this is all that is wrong with me and after these stupid problems are fixed we can finally start a family.
Joe hates seeing me upset and cry and get stressed over having a baby.
But I asked if I can have 10 minutes to cry my face off...
He said yes, of course.
He held me and I cried.
And I surprisingly felt really good afterwards!
I'm back on my feet! I'm ready to take this bull by the horns and totally beat this thing.
He keeps telling me that when we finally have this baby... We are going to have so much love for him or her and we are really going to appreciate all the work that we've done to get them more than anything else in the world.
I'm glad we've never been "given'' anything. I think that has been our plan from the start. Work hard and you'll be rewarded greatly. We're working our asses off to have a baby, hopefully we end up with 5 healthy ones! We're working our asses off to get a house, a great big one in the perfect neighborhood and a pool would be nice! We struggled with that stupid car for a year and we finally get a break on our payment, hell yeah!
We've worked for everything we have and in the process don't owe ANYBODY ANYTHING!
It's a great feeling.
Let's bring you up to speed.
The other night, another disappointment came...
And I took a deep breath, and realized I think it's time to move.
I actually considered moving to Wisconsin. I started looking at real estate out there and boy the houses there are beautiful!
And I did all that with no anxiety... So are we meant to move away? Get away from all the stress and disappointments here?
Or would that be considedered running away...
Hmm...
Me and Joe made a pact last night.
He's going to buy me a house, and I'm going to give him a baby.
No matter what!
:-)
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Things are looking up!
About a month ago we decided it was time to refinance our ridiculously overpriced car. They said "Sorry! No-can-do." Being self-employed has it's benefits but definately sucks when it comes to making purchases. We chucked it up as a loss and we'll be stuck paying this car payment for a while.
Well...
Joe had visited the bank the other day and asked to speak with the bank manager to see what she can do for us. She took a look at my income knowing I'm self employed, looked at him, and wanted us to come in immediately because she can "work something out."
Unfortunately, this was last Thursday and because this weekend was a "holiday" we couldn't get a hold of our financing company to pay them off. So, here it is Tuesday, and I'm so excited to meet up with this manager and finally see what she can do for us. After filling out 3 million papers we have officially refinanced our car for half the interest we were paying before!
It's amazing the power that a manager has above the rest of their employees.
Finally, we've gotten a break!
Life is just throwing curveballs at us this past year or so and it's been so tough. It's nice to see a reward for all our hard work and all the heartache that we've been through.
Baby News?
Nope.
But, I'm more excited than ever about it.
I found out today that even if we were to get pregnant, my body doesn't have the right properties to support a pregnancy, which explains the 2 previous losses. So, although we may not be pregnant right now, I'm excited to know that what it wrong with me may easily be fixed with a few pills (hopefully). And with the IUI, they explained that we can choose not to go that route is money is the issue, we can just continue trying the old-fashioned way especially since we've gotten pregnant before.
Luther Vandross, work your magic!
And now a quick rant.
I read this book once. It was about a boy in a family of 3 children and he was the black sheep. His whole family blonde hair blue eyes and he was total opposite. His brothers made him feel out of place and his parents were no better. He was treated differently at family functions, he never got the same gifts for Christmas or his birthday. He was just really alone. Although the love was kind of there, he could never help but wonder what it'd be like to be in a regular family.
Which brings me to my point.
I see this very situation happening everyday with someone close to me, and I can't help but wonder why a parent would treat their children not as equals. I know I won't be a perfect parent, but I know all my children will be treated equally no matter how different they are.
So, in a nutshell. Things are really starting to look up for us...
Well...
Joe had visited the bank the other day and asked to speak with the bank manager to see what she can do for us. She took a look at my income knowing I'm self employed, looked at him, and wanted us to come in immediately because she can "work something out."
Unfortunately, this was last Thursday and because this weekend was a "holiday" we couldn't get a hold of our financing company to pay them off. So, here it is Tuesday, and I'm so excited to meet up with this manager and finally see what she can do for us. After filling out 3 million papers we have officially refinanced our car for half the interest we were paying before!
It's amazing the power that a manager has above the rest of their employees.
Finally, we've gotten a break!
Life is just throwing curveballs at us this past year or so and it's been so tough. It's nice to see a reward for all our hard work and all the heartache that we've been through.
Baby News?
Nope.
But, I'm more excited than ever about it.
I found out today that even if we were to get pregnant, my body doesn't have the right properties to support a pregnancy, which explains the 2 previous losses. So, although we may not be pregnant right now, I'm excited to know that what it wrong with me may easily be fixed with a few pills (hopefully). And with the IUI, they explained that we can choose not to go that route is money is the issue, we can just continue trying the old-fashioned way especially since we've gotten pregnant before.
Luther Vandross, work your magic!
And now a quick rant.
I read this book once. It was about a boy in a family of 3 children and he was the black sheep. His whole family blonde hair blue eyes and he was total opposite. His brothers made him feel out of place and his parents were no better. He was treated differently at family functions, he never got the same gifts for Christmas or his birthday. He was just really alone. Although the love was kind of there, he could never help but wonder what it'd be like to be in a regular family.
Which brings me to my point.
I see this very situation happening everyday with someone close to me, and I can't help but wonder why a parent would treat their children not as equals. I know I won't be a perfect parent, but I know all my children will be treated equally no matter how different they are.
So, in a nutshell. Things are really starting to look up for us...
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Why is the world so overpriced?
Things happen in life for a reason and I believe it's to be taught a lesson.
Joe tells me day in and day out, God won't deal us anything we can't handle.
When Joe lost his job the first time, it was unexpected and really sucked, but we got through it. The second time really sucked, but we breezed through like champs!
Through the miscarriages I felt like I hit a wall, but we stuck together and here we are still trying.
The ups and downs, it's what builds character, right?
So, after getting knocked down time and again, Joe and I are good, caring people and now we have all this freakin' character, but I really just want a break...
My personality doesn't need anymore character!
I think I've finally hit the brick wall that just won't let in any more character...
Long story short, turns out we probably won't be that lucky in having children...
Things are more complicated than we thought when all this started.
The part that hurts the most is that the only thing stopping us from continuing our journey to have a baby is the fact we can't afford the insemination treatments.
I was really hoping and prayin and crossing my fingers so damn tight that this wouldn't be that hard and a simple pill will get me pregnant.
I used to watch these shows like The Little Couple and Guiliani and Bill, and my heart goes to them because they were trying to get pregnant and went through IVF and all that, but I am so sure that by allowing the cameras the follow them the freakin network paid for everything for them. What about the average person, never in a million years will I be able to pay for IVF. Thousands and thousands of dollars that I simply don't have. How do these offices expect average people to afford these things. I thank god that I've only had to pay a $15.00 copay a few times a week, plus a few other odds and ends medications. My total would have been well over 5 grand without insurance.
Unreal.
I simply just don't have the fight in me anymore, and as bad as I wanna keep my chin up, I'm just heartbroken..
So, I guess it's about that time to call it quits with these doctors visits. Instead, we'll pay 12.99 on Luther Vandross Ultimate Collection, and keep trying to make babies the old fashioned way and maybe one day we'll get lucky?
Keep your fingers crossed...
Joe tells me day in and day out, God won't deal us anything we can't handle.
When Joe lost his job the first time, it was unexpected and really sucked, but we got through it. The second time really sucked, but we breezed through like champs!
Through the miscarriages I felt like I hit a wall, but we stuck together and here we are still trying.
The ups and downs, it's what builds character, right?
So, after getting knocked down time and again, Joe and I are good, caring people and now we have all this freakin' character, but I really just want a break...
My personality doesn't need anymore character!
I think I've finally hit the brick wall that just won't let in any more character...
Long story short, turns out we probably won't be that lucky in having children...
Things are more complicated than we thought when all this started.
The part that hurts the most is that the only thing stopping us from continuing our journey to have a baby is the fact we can't afford the insemination treatments.
I was really hoping and prayin and crossing my fingers so damn tight that this wouldn't be that hard and a simple pill will get me pregnant.
I used to watch these shows like The Little Couple and Guiliani and Bill, and my heart goes to them because they were trying to get pregnant and went through IVF and all that, but I am so sure that by allowing the cameras the follow them the freakin network paid for everything for them. What about the average person, never in a million years will I be able to pay for IVF. Thousands and thousands of dollars that I simply don't have. How do these offices expect average people to afford these things. I thank god that I've only had to pay a $15.00 copay a few times a week, plus a few other odds and ends medications. My total would have been well over 5 grand without insurance.
Unreal.
I simply just don't have the fight in me anymore, and as bad as I wanna keep my chin up, I'm just heartbroken..
So, I guess it's about that time to call it quits with these doctors visits. Instead, we'll pay 12.99 on Luther Vandross Ultimate Collection, and keep trying to make babies the old fashioned way and maybe one day we'll get lucky?
Keep your fingers crossed...
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
The year is quickly coming to an end...
2011 has been a wonderful year for Joe and I.
Although it may seem like we didn't accomplish a whole lot, we surprisingly did!
We both graduated school and got a little business going.
We got married in June!
We both found fantastic jobs which believe me, is definitely a blessing in itself!
We may not have a baby yet, but we're well on our way!
We don't have a house yet but have set ourselves up so incredibly well that I believe by the end of next year, we'll be in a house!
It's just been a wonderful year...
So, this year I wanna start bettering myself and doing more things for others. In a couple weeks I will start taking the alter flowers at church to people in the hospital or nursing homes.
So that's a start, right?
I need to find my thing. That thing that I'm really good at and enjoy doing it...
Hmm...
Time to begin the hunt!
Although it may seem like we didn't accomplish a whole lot, we surprisingly did!
We both graduated school and got a little business going.
We got married in June!
We both found fantastic jobs which believe me, is definitely a blessing in itself!
We may not have a baby yet, but we're well on our way!
We don't have a house yet but have set ourselves up so incredibly well that I believe by the end of next year, we'll be in a house!
It's just been a wonderful year...
So, this year I wanna start bettering myself and doing more things for others. In a couple weeks I will start taking the alter flowers at church to people in the hospital or nursing homes.
So that's a start, right?
I need to find my thing. That thing that I'm really good at and enjoy doing it...
Hmm...
Time to begin the hunt!
Saturday, December 17, 2011
I hope I'm not getting my hopes up...
Well guys....
I am so freakin' excited.
I went to my doctors appointment Thursday morning. I was so anxious and I didn't know what to expect. Last appointment my follicle was 14mm and my estrogen was at 84. And in order to really be excited we needed a 20mm+ follicle and 100+ estrogen.
16mm AND 203 estrogen BABY!
HELL YEAH!
Carol, the tech who has been with me, was litterally cheering me on while on the phone and she was so excited for me. I can't even believe it! I had to go back on Saturday to keep checking and keep hoping that everything is going up.
So, now we're waiting for everything to just fall into place pretty much.
I went back this morning for my appointment and the most amazing thing is happening.
I am at 330 estrogen and 23mm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyday now I will ovulate.
Anyday now I could become pregnant.
I am so excited, hopefully not overly excited.
My biggest worry is that we're going to miscarry again. I really don't think I have it in me to face it again. Especially after all this that we've gone through. But maybe this could definately be our time because damn it, I'm ready!!
Which brings me to my next point..
It's really starting to get under my skin all the folks that are saying "but you're so young, why are you trying to have children?" or "I would kill my 21 year old if they were going through infertility treatments" and "Do you think you're ready to have children at such a young age?" and "Can you afford a child?"
Let me tell you what....
I am having children at such a young age..
#1-I'm don't want to be 60 years old going to my childs highschol graduation
#2-I am healthy now, why wait 10 years and risk the possibility of missing out because of health concerns.
#3-Obviously your child and myself are at 2 levels of maturity. Please don't compare me to the typical 21 year old.
4#-Is anyone ever really ready to have a child? Financially or emotionally? I accept the responsibility and I think that's really all you need to do. If I wait until I can "financially" ready, I will NEVER have kids.
There are a million and 1 reasons to put off having kids.
But there are a million and 2 reasons why I can't wait to see what Joe and I's baby is going to look like.
I am so freakin' excited.
I went to my doctors appointment Thursday morning. I was so anxious and I didn't know what to expect. Last appointment my follicle was 14mm and my estrogen was at 84. And in order to really be excited we needed a 20mm+ follicle and 100+ estrogen.
16mm AND 203 estrogen BABY!
HELL YEAH!
Carol, the tech who has been with me, was litterally cheering me on while on the phone and she was so excited for me. I can't even believe it! I had to go back on Saturday to keep checking and keep hoping that everything is going up.
So, now we're waiting for everything to just fall into place pretty much.
I went back this morning for my appointment and the most amazing thing is happening.
I am at 330 estrogen and 23mm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyday now I will ovulate.
Anyday now I could become pregnant.
I am so excited, hopefully not overly excited.
My biggest worry is that we're going to miscarry again. I really don't think I have it in me to face it again. Especially after all this that we've gone through. But maybe this could definately be our time because damn it, I'm ready!!
Which brings me to my next point..
It's really starting to get under my skin all the folks that are saying "but you're so young, why are you trying to have children?" or "I would kill my 21 year old if they were going through infertility treatments" and "Do you think you're ready to have children at such a young age?" and "Can you afford a child?"
Let me tell you what....
I am having children at such a young age..
#1-I'm don't want to be 60 years old going to my childs highschol graduation
#2-I am healthy now, why wait 10 years and risk the possibility of missing out because of health concerns.
#3-Obviously your child and myself are at 2 levels of maturity. Please don't compare me to the typical 21 year old.
4#-Is anyone ever really ready to have a child? Financially or emotionally? I accept the responsibility and I think that's really all you need to do. If I wait until I can "financially" ready, I will NEVER have kids.
There are a million and 1 reasons to put off having kids.
But there are a million and 2 reasons why I can't wait to see what Joe and I's baby is going to look like.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
It's amazing what doctors can do these days..
What a week!
Working like crazy, very tired...
Joe had surgery on his shoulder last week and everything went really well! He is getting a lot of range of motion very quickly, I'm surprised. He is going to have 3 little scars on his right shoulder but I was looking at it this morning and they are healing so well!
It's amazing what doctors can do these days...
Baby news?
No :-(
Well, Kinda.
So, I started the medication, Clomid. And you know all those little side effected that are posted on the side of the bottle that nobody ever gets? Guess who got them all!! It was 5 days of hell!!! I won't go into details but believe me, it sucked.
Well, I took the medicine from Saturday-Wednesday, and a checkup on Thursday. No change in my folicles in my ovaries, no change in my bloodwork. I was a little disappointed but read online that it can take up to 5-10 days. There is still hope!
I went back the following Tuesday for my next checkup, It started off as a really bad day. My appointment was at 7:45 am, and I woke up at 7:40! I hit every red light on my way there, It was no fun... I finally arrived at 8:10 and was told to get ready, I said a little prayer that something would just happen. Anything, ya know?
My prayer worked.
During my ultra sound we found a folicle that is 14 mm!!! My biggest one to date is about 6-7mm, so finally, something is working in there! It needs to get up to 20 in order to ovulate and get real excited, but at least this is a start right?
She told me not to get too excited yet because we need to get my bloodwork back and see if it is producing estrogen.
Okay, I understand. But I'm still excited!!!
Seeing that black blob on the ultra sound brought tears to my eyes, I can't even imagine what seeing a little babies heartbeat!!
About 2 hours later I get a call from my doctor saying that there was a spike in estrogen, from 34 (I dunno the measurement) to 86! She said it needs to be over 100 to do anything, but I have faith that when I go back Thursday morning, we very well may be over 20mm folicles and over 100 estrogen count.
Again, it's amazing what doctors can do...
Let's keep out fingers crossed!!!
Monday, November 28, 2011
Who has it worse?
So I invited a friend over for dinner. I prepared a delicious chicken dinner with roasted galic and tomatoes. Yum! She walks in and goes "Ew! What's that smell?!"
What?!
Turns out she hates the taste of garlic. Well, that's just great! Because I just smeared garlic all over this piece of chicken because I love it!
I ended up making spaghetti!
Joe loves Stephen King books. And I don't read at all. I told him to pick out a book for me to read, but it's gotta be a small one, not these 600 pg. books. So he gave me "Carrie" and I got about 4 pages in and was bored out of my mind!
As most of you may know I'm a massage therapist. I get those client where I can dig my elbow into them and I'm basically sitting on top of them trying to work these luscious knots out. And they take it like a champ! Or, I get clients like my lovely husband, and he basically just wants me to rub lotion into his skin because his body just can't handle that type of pressure. Which is totally fine, I have no problem with either type. But everybody has a different pain tolerance and react to pain differently.
I guess this leads me to my next point.
Everyone has different tastes in foods and books, and everyones pain tolerance is different. Everyone has different opinions on every subject.
So, how do you determine who has it worse in life?
As you look at the 10 year old girl with Leukemia, send prayers her way, and send her gift baskets of sorrow and everything else under the sun. But, what you don't know is that she is so content with her condition and is a fighter and ready to take this disease on full force. So does she have a "sucky" life? Does she have it worse? Not in her eyes, because now she gets the chance to show the world how strong of a little girl she is and without this disease, she would have just been an average girl!
The 80 year old man who can't walk due to the arthritis in the knees and hips. He is in a nursing home and has people constantly looking over his shoulder. As you go visit your grandfather nearly everyday, you pray he gets better and is able to go out in the world, and you show him grief and sadness. But he doesn't look at it that way. He feels he is lucky to be alive. His wife passed away 16 years ago and never got to see her grandchildren grow up. He gets to sit in his chair and plays chess with his best friend all day. He's just happy to be able to see his family grow old with him,and have them around. He's happy he can afford a nursing home rather than being somewhere on the street. So does he have it worse?
Some people have the amazing ability to see the good in situations.
Everybody has a different opinion on everything. Probably 90% of the people reading this blog probably feel I'm the most annoying, whiney, judgemental bitch ever. And that's fine, because I'm writing this as a release, not as a dagger to any person and these are MY opinions.
I see others sharing their stories of different things like how bad their day was and I'll hear "man, they're just so annoying! Why won't they keep it to themselves" I feel they know their story will help maybe 1 person one day.
So, how do you determine who has it worse? How do you determine that someone is annoying? How do you determine that someone is in the wrong?
You don't determine anything.
To determine is to settle or decide. And nobody has that kind of power.
You express your feelings and leave it at that. Don't force your opinions on anybody because what's suckish in your eyes is gold in another.
I wish everyone blogged to express their feelings...
Because I tell you what, I feel like weight was lifted off my shoulders!
What?!
Turns out she hates the taste of garlic. Well, that's just great! Because I just smeared garlic all over this piece of chicken because I love it!
I ended up making spaghetti!
Joe loves Stephen King books. And I don't read at all. I told him to pick out a book for me to read, but it's gotta be a small one, not these 600 pg. books. So he gave me "Carrie" and I got about 4 pages in and was bored out of my mind!
As most of you may know I'm a massage therapist. I get those client where I can dig my elbow into them and I'm basically sitting on top of them trying to work these luscious knots out. And they take it like a champ! Or, I get clients like my lovely husband, and he basically just wants me to rub lotion into his skin because his body just can't handle that type of pressure. Which is totally fine, I have no problem with either type. But everybody has a different pain tolerance and react to pain differently.
I guess this leads me to my next point.
Everyone has different tastes in foods and books, and everyones pain tolerance is different. Everyone has different opinions on every subject.
So, how do you determine who has it worse in life?
As you look at the 10 year old girl with Leukemia, send prayers her way, and send her gift baskets of sorrow and everything else under the sun. But, what you don't know is that she is so content with her condition and is a fighter and ready to take this disease on full force. So does she have a "sucky" life? Does she have it worse? Not in her eyes, because now she gets the chance to show the world how strong of a little girl she is and without this disease, she would have just been an average girl!
The 80 year old man who can't walk due to the arthritis in the knees and hips. He is in a nursing home and has people constantly looking over his shoulder. As you go visit your grandfather nearly everyday, you pray he gets better and is able to go out in the world, and you show him grief and sadness. But he doesn't look at it that way. He feels he is lucky to be alive. His wife passed away 16 years ago and never got to see her grandchildren grow up. He gets to sit in his chair and plays chess with his best friend all day. He's just happy to be able to see his family grow old with him,and have them around. He's happy he can afford a nursing home rather than being somewhere on the street. So does he have it worse?
Some people have the amazing ability to see the good in situations.
Everybody has a different opinion on everything. Probably 90% of the people reading this blog probably feel I'm the most annoying, whiney, judgemental bitch ever. And that's fine, because I'm writing this as a release, not as a dagger to any person and these are MY opinions.
I see others sharing their stories of different things like how bad their day was and I'll hear "man, they're just so annoying! Why won't they keep it to themselves" I feel they know their story will help maybe 1 person one day.
So, how do you determine who has it worse? How do you determine that someone is annoying? How do you determine that someone is in the wrong?
You don't determine anything.
To determine is to settle or decide. And nobody has that kind of power.
You express your feelings and leave it at that. Don't force your opinions on anybody because what's suckish in your eyes is gold in another.
I wish everyone blogged to express their feelings...
Because I tell you what, I feel like weight was lifted off my shoulders!
Sunday, November 27, 2011
It's not my secret to tell...
Everybody knows Adam. He's that man that everybody just adores. He's tall, dark, and handsome, and extremely smart. He's the life of every party, and you're so excited when he calls to hang out. Everybody loves him!
Adam and I have been so close for years...
We tell eachother everything and enjoy eachothers company.
Of course, I am the one who finds out this secret about him that, and in the most sophisticated of words, really sucks! I stumble across this secret, so Adam doesn't even know I know!
He should have told me, he should have told everybody, but he lied and kept it all to himself.
This thing that Adam did, it's horrible, disgusting and demeaning. What he did hurt me on a personal level. Not just the fact he didn't tell me, but just the fact that he did it without a single tear, a single bit of heartache. I can never look at him the same, and for the past few months, I have been putting on a brave front around him trying so hard not to punch him in his face for what he did. The happy face I put on around him, can be seen right through because I don't hide my feelings so well. And people ask why I'm not happy for him, or why I make little snippets at him, or why I just don't care to be near him as much as I'd like. I just shrug and say I'm having a bad day. Now I'm the bad person for not liking the most likable person ever???
I could confront him of what I know, but then I can't pretend it never happened. What he did, in my book, I can't forgive and I definately can't forget. At least if I never tell him I can pretend I still like him and keep him in my life.
Why couldn't it be someone else to find this out...
Do I just suck it up? Because it's eating me alive!
What I wouldn't do to just scream this secret to the world...
But it's not my secret to tell...
Adam and I have been so close for years...
We tell eachother everything and enjoy eachothers company.
Of course, I am the one who finds out this secret about him that, and in the most sophisticated of words, really sucks! I stumble across this secret, so Adam doesn't even know I know!
He should have told me, he should have told everybody, but he lied and kept it all to himself.
This thing that Adam did, it's horrible, disgusting and demeaning. What he did hurt me on a personal level. Not just the fact he didn't tell me, but just the fact that he did it without a single tear, a single bit of heartache. I can never look at him the same, and for the past few months, I have been putting on a brave front around him trying so hard not to punch him in his face for what he did. The happy face I put on around him, can be seen right through because I don't hide my feelings so well. And people ask why I'm not happy for him, or why I make little snippets at him, or why I just don't care to be near him as much as I'd like. I just shrug and say I'm having a bad day. Now I'm the bad person for not liking the most likable person ever???
I could confront him of what I know, but then I can't pretend it never happened. What he did, in my book, I can't forgive and I definately can't forget. At least if I never tell him I can pretend I still like him and keep him in my life.
Why couldn't it be someone else to find this out...
Do I just suck it up? Because it's eating me alive!
What I wouldn't do to just scream this secret to the world...
But it's not my secret to tell...
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
The holidays are here...
The holidays are officially here!
Christmas music is all over the radio, Black Friday commercials are raiding the televisions, and supermarkets are racking up the price of chicken broth and cranberry jelly!
I love this time of year...
The other morning I woke up in a grumpy mood. I just wasn't feeling it. I was super tired, I had to drive across town at 8 a.m. and when I get in the car and hear the Christmas music, I get an instant smile on my face.
We will be putting lights up across our porch hopefully soon. And this will be Joe's first Christmas with a real tree!! I can't wait to see him out there laying on the ground and sawing down the perfect tree. All we need is some snow to make the season complete!
On a much less lighter note:
I had my back injectiong last week! It was definately not what I was expecting. It didn't exactly hurt, it was just extremely uncomfortable. I feel a million times better. This injection didn't totally take away the pain but it definately made it bareable.
And on an even more less lighter note:
No baby news yet :-(
Still going every few days to get poked at and it's just taking way too long! I'm impatient..
I've had so many things running through my head lately... a lot of things I probably shouldn't post on the internet. Things that piss me off more than anything in the whole world... Should I really care about peoples feelings when all they think about are themselves? Maybe I'll think of some code words and write the whole thing in code :-) Let me go think....
Christmas music is all over the radio, Black Friday commercials are raiding the televisions, and supermarkets are racking up the price of chicken broth and cranberry jelly!
I love this time of year...
The other morning I woke up in a grumpy mood. I just wasn't feeling it. I was super tired, I had to drive across town at 8 a.m. and when I get in the car and hear the Christmas music, I get an instant smile on my face.
We will be putting lights up across our porch hopefully soon. And this will be Joe's first Christmas with a real tree!! I can't wait to see him out there laying on the ground and sawing down the perfect tree. All we need is some snow to make the season complete!
On a much less lighter note:
I had my back injectiong last week! It was definately not what I was expecting. It didn't exactly hurt, it was just extremely uncomfortable. I feel a million times better. This injection didn't totally take away the pain but it definately made it bareable.
And on an even more less lighter note:
No baby news yet :-(
Still going every few days to get poked at and it's just taking way too long! I'm impatient..
I've had so many things running through my head lately... a lot of things I probably shouldn't post on the internet. Things that piss me off more than anything in the whole world... Should I really care about peoples feelings when all they think about are themselves? Maybe I'll think of some code words and write the whole thing in code :-) Let me go think....
Thursday, November 10, 2011
I look like a junkie...
So it's been the first week of finding out what is wrong and why we can't have children.
It's only been a few days and it's already wearing me out! It's so personal and yet so impersonal at the same time...
So, it all started this past Monday with our first doctors visit, and I wrote about it in my last blog so I won't backtrack.
Tuesday morning I went to go get the big bloodwork. yeah, that 30 some tubes I was talking about?
Well, it was only 25, I counted lol. They started in my right arm because I've been getting all my bloodwork out of the left, so it was all bruised. She puts the needle in and plugs in tube number 1..2...3....7....10....14, and it starts to slow down... and she goes "well, at least we know you have really good platelets!" I clotted the tube so I couldn't get any more blood out! So she switches arms and I'm dreading it because I know it's gonna hurt from all the bruising. It did! So heres tube 15.....18...22...24... and barely squeeked out tube 25, but we got there! They took about half the amount I would give if I were donating blood, so I felt pretty okay afterwards, but my arms were all bruised and poked at. Well, at least that one was finished!
Wednesday morning I go back to have a hysteroscopy, and my first question is, "Is this like a hysterectomy?!?" I get a chuckle, but no it's not. So, I'm sitting in this pretty comfy chair, waiting for the doctor, and he comes in and pushes a button and the chair turned into a table while I'm on it, my legs are flying in the air, what the hell did I just get myself into! Now, I won't get graphic, but basically they just go in and look around to make sure everything is fine. You can google it for the details! I left that appointment feeling very violated, but relieved that everything came back fine.
Well, this morning, I go back to get, yup, more blood work!
Bloodwork, ultrasounds, poking and prodding, and we're only 4 days in...
We have 1 test coming up...which is the most embarrassing test I think ever known to man. It's the "post-coital" test. Yup! We need to do it, and go straight to the doctor...
&%$#%&$#?!?!?!!?
Come on now...really? That happens probably next week and I'm totally dreading it...Not the doing it part, the going straight to the doctor part haha!
So, that's how all this fertility crap is going on but, it'll all be worth it in the end right?
My arms have knicks and bruises all over, and I look like a junkie. Joe said I should wear long sleeves for a while...
It's only been a few days and it's already wearing me out! It's so personal and yet so impersonal at the same time...
So, it all started this past Monday with our first doctors visit, and I wrote about it in my last blog so I won't backtrack.
Tuesday morning I went to go get the big bloodwork. yeah, that 30 some tubes I was talking about?
Well, it was only 25, I counted lol. They started in my right arm because I've been getting all my bloodwork out of the left, so it was all bruised. She puts the needle in and plugs in tube number 1..2...3....7....10....14, and it starts to slow down... and she goes "well, at least we know you have really good platelets!" I clotted the tube so I couldn't get any more blood out! So she switches arms and I'm dreading it because I know it's gonna hurt from all the bruising. It did! So heres tube 15.....18...22...24... and barely squeeked out tube 25, but we got there! They took about half the amount I would give if I were donating blood, so I felt pretty okay afterwards, but my arms were all bruised and poked at. Well, at least that one was finished!
Wednesday morning I go back to have a hysteroscopy, and my first question is, "Is this like a hysterectomy?!?" I get a chuckle, but no it's not. So, I'm sitting in this pretty comfy chair, waiting for the doctor, and he comes in and pushes a button and the chair turned into a table while I'm on it, my legs are flying in the air, what the hell did I just get myself into! Now, I won't get graphic, but basically they just go in and look around to make sure everything is fine. You can google it for the details! I left that appointment feeling very violated, but relieved that everything came back fine.
Well, this morning, I go back to get, yup, more blood work!
Bloodwork, ultrasounds, poking and prodding, and we're only 4 days in...
We have 1 test coming up...which is the most embarrassing test I think ever known to man. It's the "post-coital" test. Yup! We need to do it, and go straight to the doctor...
&%$#%&$#?!?!?!!?
Come on now...really? That happens probably next week and I'm totally dreading it...Not the doing it part, the going straight to the doctor part haha!
So, that's how all this fertility crap is going on but, it'll all be worth it in the end right?
My arms have knicks and bruises all over, and I look like a junkie. Joe said I should wear long sleeves for a while...
Monday, November 7, 2011
Damn lemons...
When life hands you lemons, you don't appreciate them as much as the ones you have to hand-pick off the tree you grew from a sprout...
Today was an unbelievable day.
First thing this morning we had an appointment with an infertility doctor. I was a extremely nervous because I never thought it would have gotten to this point. But on the other hand I was so anxious all week. I couldn't wait to finally see what the hell was wrong because damnit, I want babies!!!
So, we get to the office, and right away it gives off a warm feeling. I'm happy. We speak with a nurse and get all the basics down, and she was so helpful, and here he comes... The doctor who is gonna fix us! He walks in and immediately gets started. Asking all types of questions and drawing an awesome diagram. And somehow he already knew what was wrong with me and what we need to do to fix it! Apparently, I have very healthy eggs but I don't ovulate. He said it could be a simple fix, do a shit ton of testing and get me on some medication and we should have babies!!!!
Now, anyone who has gone through infertility knows how pricey these tests are. But in my book, it is worth every penny!!
So, today I had a set of bloodwork done, just 1 little tube, and I never bruise when I get bloodwork but this lady messed up my arm big time, it's all black and blue! I had an ultrasound to check my ovaries, and she said it looks like I have PCOS, so it is something to look out for, but not a huge deal yet. Tomorrow morning I go for a second set of labwork, and she said they are going to take roughly 30 tubes of blood....
&%*#*%!??!?!
30 tubes of blood?!?
Yeah, I think Joe will be driving me home after this one...
So, that is where we are at now.
After thinking long and hard about whether to have surgery on my back or not, I'm going to try the injections for sure first. So, tuesday morning I get 2 injections into my back and lets hope it works out!
I've taken a lot of things in my life for granted. This journey we're taking is really changing my outlook on life and really making me take a step back and really appreciate the things that I do have. I can't say that for a lot of people but... *shrugs*
Keep your fingers crossed!! :-)
Today was an unbelievable day.
First thing this morning we had an appointment with an infertility doctor. I was a extremely nervous because I never thought it would have gotten to this point. But on the other hand I was so anxious all week. I couldn't wait to finally see what the hell was wrong because damnit, I want babies!!!
So, we get to the office, and right away it gives off a warm feeling. I'm happy. We speak with a nurse and get all the basics down, and she was so helpful, and here he comes... The doctor who is gonna fix us! He walks in and immediately gets started. Asking all types of questions and drawing an awesome diagram. And somehow he already knew what was wrong with me and what we need to do to fix it! Apparently, I have very healthy eggs but I don't ovulate. He said it could be a simple fix, do a shit ton of testing and get me on some medication and we should have babies!!!!
Now, anyone who has gone through infertility knows how pricey these tests are. But in my book, it is worth every penny!!
So, today I had a set of bloodwork done, just 1 little tube, and I never bruise when I get bloodwork but this lady messed up my arm big time, it's all black and blue! I had an ultrasound to check my ovaries, and she said it looks like I have PCOS, so it is something to look out for, but not a huge deal yet. Tomorrow morning I go for a second set of labwork, and she said they are going to take roughly 30 tubes of blood....
&%*#*%!??!?!
30 tubes of blood?!?
Yeah, I think Joe will be driving me home after this one...
So, that is where we are at now.
After thinking long and hard about whether to have surgery on my back or not, I'm going to try the injections for sure first. So, tuesday morning I get 2 injections into my back and lets hope it works out!
I've taken a lot of things in my life for granted. This journey we're taking is really changing my outlook on life and really making me take a step back and really appreciate the things that I do have. I can't say that for a lot of people but... *shrugs*
Keep your fingers crossed!! :-)
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
21 and broken...
Well, today was a big day... I had the potential to find out:
1.) Can I have babies?
and
2.) Do I need back surgery?
Let's start with the first...
I had to go get some labwork done on monday to check all my hormones and all that fun stuff. The "Day 3" labwork is what they call it. They told me to call back in a couple days and they will have the results!
"Okay, doctor!"
I was going to wait 3 days just to be on a safe side, but I couldn't wait! I needed to call... I get on the phone with the nurse who has been handling my case and she looked up my labwork and asked how I was feeling. Well, I'm feeling fine, I mean a little hungry because I haven't had breakfast yet but, I'm fine, why?
So, now I'm scared... what is wrong that she would have to ask me how I'm feeling?! Nobody cares this much??!!
Turns out everything is normal. My thyroid count is a little low (hence the "how are you feeling") but all my hormones are within normal range...
You've got to be kidding me... 2 miscarriages and a year with no baby and you're telling me I'm fine?! Come on now!
Who can I punch?
So, the doctor will be calling me tomorrow with a plan...
*Sigh*
BACK SURGERY???
So, my post "bad healthcare" explains a lot of why I need surgery. The car accident. Well, today I finally saw that busy doctor that I was waiting to see for a second opinion on having surgery on my back or not. He recommends I get the cortizone injections in my back. Okay, but nothing is a permanent fix. The injections could potentially wear off anywhere from 1 week to 5 years (yeah, that's a nice time frame) and the surgery could either work wonders or not at all.
UUUGGGHHH...
Am I back at square 1? Because I really cannot live with this pain anymore.
So, I'm thinking what I'm going to do is try the injections first. My thought is I can try injections and pray that they work, you can't exactly "try" a surgery, it's a little too permanent.
So, I am going to schedule an appointment and we'll go from there!
Oh, and in case you were wondering, I did ask the question, "Will having a baby put my back in danger?" and "Should I wait to fix my back and put off having children?"
He pretty much said that pain in my back may become more severe carrying the weight of a baby, but it won't worsen my back in the long run and that i'll go back to the way I am now as soon as I have one.
YAY, I guess there is good news out of all this.
Time to make some babies!!
So, it's been one hell of a day...I've got a broken body and I'm only 21 years old. But, I guess I accomplished some things, but I still feel like I'm at a stand still.
1.) Can I have babies?
and
2.) Do I need back surgery?
Let's start with the first...
I had to go get some labwork done on monday to check all my hormones and all that fun stuff. The "Day 3" labwork is what they call it. They told me to call back in a couple days and they will have the results!
"Okay, doctor!"
I was going to wait 3 days just to be on a safe side, but I couldn't wait! I needed to call... I get on the phone with the nurse who has been handling my case and she looked up my labwork and asked how I was feeling. Well, I'm feeling fine, I mean a little hungry because I haven't had breakfast yet but, I'm fine, why?
So, now I'm scared... what is wrong that she would have to ask me how I'm feeling?! Nobody cares this much??!!
Turns out everything is normal. My thyroid count is a little low (hence the "how are you feeling") but all my hormones are within normal range...
You've got to be kidding me... 2 miscarriages and a year with no baby and you're telling me I'm fine?! Come on now!
Who can I punch?
So, the doctor will be calling me tomorrow with a plan...
*Sigh*
BACK SURGERY???
So, my post "bad healthcare" explains a lot of why I need surgery. The car accident. Well, today I finally saw that busy doctor that I was waiting to see for a second opinion on having surgery on my back or not. He recommends I get the cortizone injections in my back. Okay, but nothing is a permanent fix. The injections could potentially wear off anywhere from 1 week to 5 years (yeah, that's a nice time frame) and the surgery could either work wonders or not at all.
UUUGGGHHH...
Am I back at square 1? Because I really cannot live with this pain anymore.
So, I'm thinking what I'm going to do is try the injections first. My thought is I can try injections and pray that they work, you can't exactly "try" a surgery, it's a little too permanent.
So, I am going to schedule an appointment and we'll go from there!
Oh, and in case you were wondering, I did ask the question, "Will having a baby put my back in danger?" and "Should I wait to fix my back and put off having children?"
He pretty much said that pain in my back may become more severe carrying the weight of a baby, but it won't worsen my back in the long run and that i'll go back to the way I am now as soon as I have one.
YAY, I guess there is good news out of all this.
Time to make some babies!!
So, it's been one hell of a day...I've got a broken body and I'm only 21 years old. But, I guess I accomplished some things, but I still feel like I'm at a stand still.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Know Your Priorities
Caution: This may hurt some peoples feelings but that's why it's an option to read, nobody is making you :-)
Priority: A thing that is regarded as more important than another
We all have priorities in every stage of life...
Weather it's from doing our math homework before we get to go play with our friends outside.
Whether it's not calling out of work so you can go to the that really cool party this weekend.
Whether it's blowing off your friends so you can study for you final exams.
Whether it's meeting your husband for dinner instead of going out to a club with friends.
Whether it's realizing you have a human being in your body and you will do nothing to harm it.
Whether it's spending time with your child teaching them how to talk, walk, and be social, even if you lose your best friend over it.
Whether it's setting up a plan for that child to grow up in the best environment you possibly can provide, without putting your selfish tendencies before them.
The list goes on....
A priority is a sacrifice. What are you going to sacrifice in order to get the task done.
So, now that we are all clear on what a priority is, let's get started!
My BIGGEST problem with men and women now a days is the fact that their children are not their first priority. I see these mothers smoking and drinking while pregnant. I see parents dragging their children through 5 different men or women calling them their new mom or dad. I see mothers losing their children over something that could have been prevented with a little brain power. I see mothers getting abortions because they made one little mistake. Question: If you decided to keep that child, wouldn't you HATE yourself for ever thinking about aborting that kid?? I see mothers acting like they have no care in the world for their child unless they are in public and trying to impress and quite frankly, it absolutely disgusts me.
I am giving my mother a virtual hug right now because, even though through my teenage years I thought she was the worst mother in the world, so unfair, blah blah blah, I quickly came to realize she is the greatest mother anyone could ever ask for. She is someone who really had her priorities straight through a tough situation. She had plenty of chances to do all those bad things, smoke while pregnant, hang out with friends other than her children, had an abortion. But she didn't, she had her head on straight, and her priorities were in order. Children come first.
Love ya momma!
My second biggest problem is the fact that parents aren't willing to work in order to keep their family/self afloat. They think it's easier to cash an unemployment check, collect alimony/child support, marry rich or sell drugs to make money. No. Get off your ass and get a second, third, fourth job if you need to! Because honestly, if you have no money to make your bills and feed your family, do you really have time to go party it up with your friends?
Priorities.
I have sat back and watched these things happen in lives around me, and there is nothing you can do. People are set in their ways and really don't wanna hear how bad they suck at living their life.
Now I'm no saint by any means, but at least I have my priorities straight.
Priority: A thing that is regarded as more important than another
We all have priorities in every stage of life...
Weather it's from doing our math homework before we get to go play with our friends outside.
Whether it's not calling out of work so you can go to the that really cool party this weekend.
Whether it's blowing off your friends so you can study for you final exams.
Whether it's meeting your husband for dinner instead of going out to a club with friends.
Whether it's realizing you have a human being in your body and you will do nothing to harm it.
Whether it's spending time with your child teaching them how to talk, walk, and be social, even if you lose your best friend over it.
Whether it's setting up a plan for that child to grow up in the best environment you possibly can provide, without putting your selfish tendencies before them.
The list goes on....
A priority is a sacrifice. What are you going to sacrifice in order to get the task done.
So, now that we are all clear on what a priority is, let's get started!
My BIGGEST problem with men and women now a days is the fact that their children are not their first priority. I see these mothers smoking and drinking while pregnant. I see parents dragging their children through 5 different men or women calling them their new mom or dad. I see mothers losing their children over something that could have been prevented with a little brain power. I see mothers getting abortions because they made one little mistake. Question: If you decided to keep that child, wouldn't you HATE yourself for ever thinking about aborting that kid?? I see mothers acting like they have no care in the world for their child unless they are in public and trying to impress and quite frankly, it absolutely disgusts me.
I am giving my mother a virtual hug right now because, even though through my teenage years I thought she was the worst mother in the world, so unfair, blah blah blah, I quickly came to realize she is the greatest mother anyone could ever ask for. She is someone who really had her priorities straight through a tough situation. She had plenty of chances to do all those bad things, smoke while pregnant, hang out with friends other than her children, had an abortion. But she didn't, she had her head on straight, and her priorities were in order. Children come first.
Love ya momma!
My second biggest problem is the fact that parents aren't willing to work in order to keep their family/self afloat. They think it's easier to cash an unemployment check, collect alimony/child support, marry rich or sell drugs to make money. No. Get off your ass and get a second, third, fourth job if you need to! Because honestly, if you have no money to make your bills and feed your family, do you really have time to go party it up with your friends?
Priorities.
I have sat back and watched these things happen in lives around me, and there is nothing you can do. People are set in their ways and really don't wanna hear how bad they suck at living their life.
Now I'm no saint by any means, but at least I have my priorities straight.
Monday, October 17, 2011
BAD HEALTHCARE
A little over a year ago I was in a 3 car accident leaving Joe and I with chronic pains all over. Most of the symptoms have subsided except for this nasty back pain I was having. We decide to go to the doctor, Dr. Adams, and see what he recommends. He throws many pain killers our way and refers us to the chiropractor that practices in the same building. Joe and I are excited because we've never been to a chiropractor and have heard it feels so good! We walk on over, have our initial exam which is a whopping 5 minutes long and go off to get our back and neck cracked and...wow, it did feel pretty good. But what really got exciting was the 15 minute massage afterwards...Woo Hoo!
Yeah, this quickly wore off about 2 months in...
We weren't getting any better, in fact, we were getting worse! What kind of doctor makes you feel worse?! The medication was too strong you can't function when you take them! I ask Dr. Adams what he can give me that will null the pain but not make me as drowsy. Simple question right? He proceeds to laugh in my face and tell me that I "must be crazy to believe there is such a drug like that." And walked away....
I was in shock. And a little pissed.
I roll it off my shoulder and we tell the chiropractor that we're getting worse and what does he do? Lower our visits...
He does, however, order MRI's which proceed to tell us we have a few bulged discs in our back and that is no big deal and we can "knock them right back into place!" And sent us on our way...
WHAT THE?!?!?!?!?!
Yeah, made no sense to me either.
We are going to the doctor under a motor vehicle accident and figure we cannot switch doctors easily through it. So, we put up with this crap until May of 2011...almost a year later and still worse than ever.
Around June, we find an orthopedic surgeon to look at our backs. He was really shocked that we waited this long to see him with my back in its condition.
Understandable.
Turns out I have 2 herniated discs in my back. Not bulged.
He recommends me getting surgery on my back, no alternative methods, nothing. Just surgery.
So I decide to get a second opinion.
UUUGGGHHH!!!!!
So, my lawyer refers me to another physiatrist that she has solely been worked on by and highly recommends. Yay! Finally! But apparently he's a very busy man because he cannot see me til freakin November...
*&^$@*&^$@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Are you seeing my frustration?!?!?
Let's just start all over because these doctors are just not working for us anymore. I do my research online and I find West Side Medical Center. I hear great reviews so I decide to give a whirl. I called and they were SUPER friendly on the phone, and thats my biggest pet peeve.- when people are mean on the phone. And I got an appointment within a few days! I'm so excited.
So, this morning was our appointment at 8:45. I was expecting a half an hour with the doctor... 45 minutes at the most. Do you know what time I left there? 11:00!! Are you kidding me? This lady actually took her time to figure out what was wrong with me. She ordered all kinds of labwork, referred me to a doctor for my back, finding out why I haven't had a freakin baby yet. I mean, I'm so impressed with this doctor and the entire center and I can't wait to see her again on Friday...
I think I'm in love with my doctor :-)
But I just wonder why the healthcare system has gone so downhill. It is so hard to find a doctor that cares. When you go to the ER everyone walks around like they absolutely hate their job. If you are that miserable with your job, please, quit and give it to someone who is laid off who will appreciate the job!
:-)
Have a great day!
Yeah, this quickly wore off about 2 months in...
We weren't getting any better, in fact, we were getting worse! What kind of doctor makes you feel worse?! The medication was too strong you can't function when you take them! I ask Dr. Adams what he can give me that will null the pain but not make me as drowsy. Simple question right? He proceeds to laugh in my face and tell me that I "must be crazy to believe there is such a drug like that." And walked away....
I was in shock. And a little pissed.
I roll it off my shoulder and we tell the chiropractor that we're getting worse and what does he do? Lower our visits...
He does, however, order MRI's which proceed to tell us we have a few bulged discs in our back and that is no big deal and we can "knock them right back into place!" And sent us on our way...
WHAT THE?!?!?!?!?!
Yeah, made no sense to me either.
We are going to the doctor under a motor vehicle accident and figure we cannot switch doctors easily through it. So, we put up with this crap until May of 2011...almost a year later and still worse than ever.
Around June, we find an orthopedic surgeon to look at our backs. He was really shocked that we waited this long to see him with my back in its condition.
Understandable.
Turns out I have 2 herniated discs in my back. Not bulged.
He recommends me getting surgery on my back, no alternative methods, nothing. Just surgery.
So I decide to get a second opinion.
UUUGGGHHH!!!!!
So, my lawyer refers me to another physiatrist that she has solely been worked on by and highly recommends. Yay! Finally! But apparently he's a very busy man because he cannot see me til freakin November...
*&^$@*&^$@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Are you seeing my frustration?!?!?
Let's just start all over because these doctors are just not working for us anymore. I do my research online and I find West Side Medical Center. I hear great reviews so I decide to give a whirl. I called and they were SUPER friendly on the phone, and thats my biggest pet peeve.- when people are mean on the phone. And I got an appointment within a few days! I'm so excited.
So, this morning was our appointment at 8:45. I was expecting a half an hour with the doctor... 45 minutes at the most. Do you know what time I left there? 11:00!! Are you kidding me? This lady actually took her time to figure out what was wrong with me. She ordered all kinds of labwork, referred me to a doctor for my back, finding out why I haven't had a freakin baby yet. I mean, I'm so impressed with this doctor and the entire center and I can't wait to see her again on Friday...
I think I'm in love with my doctor :-)
But I just wonder why the healthcare system has gone so downhill. It is so hard to find a doctor that cares. When you go to the ER everyone walks around like they absolutely hate their job. If you are that miserable with your job, please, quit and give it to someone who is laid off who will appreciate the job!
:-)
Have a great day!
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