So I invited a friend over for dinner. I prepared a delicious chicken dinner with roasted galic and tomatoes. Yum! She walks in and goes "Ew! What's that smell?!"
What?!
Turns out she hates the taste of garlic. Well, that's just great! Because I just smeared garlic all over this piece of chicken because I love it!
I ended up making spaghetti!
Joe loves Stephen King books. And I don't read at all. I told him to pick out a book for me to read, but it's gotta be a small one, not these 600 pg. books. So he gave me "Carrie" and I got about 4 pages in and was bored out of my mind!
As most of you may know I'm a massage therapist. I get those client where I can dig my elbow into them and I'm basically sitting on top of them trying to work these luscious knots out. And they take it like a champ! Or, I get clients like my lovely husband, and he basically just wants me to rub lotion into his skin because his body just can't handle that type of pressure. Which is totally fine, I have no problem with either type. But everybody has a different pain tolerance and react to pain differently.
I guess this leads me to my next point.
Everyone has different tastes in foods and books, and everyones pain tolerance is different. Everyone has different opinions on every subject.
So, how do you determine who has it worse in life?
As you look at the 10 year old girl with Leukemia, send prayers her way, and send her gift baskets of sorrow and everything else under the sun. But, what you don't know is that she is so content with her condition and is a fighter and ready to take this disease on full force. So does she have a "sucky" life? Does she have it worse? Not in her eyes, because now she gets the chance to show the world how strong of a little girl she is and without this disease, she would have just been an average girl!
The 80 year old man who can't walk due to the arthritis in the knees and hips. He is in a nursing home and has people constantly looking over his shoulder. As you go visit your grandfather nearly everyday, you pray he gets better and is able to go out in the world, and you show him grief and sadness. But he doesn't look at it that way. He feels he is lucky to be alive. His wife passed away 16 years ago and never got to see her grandchildren grow up. He gets to sit in his chair and plays chess with his best friend all day. He's just happy to be able to see his family grow old with him,and have them around. He's happy he can afford a nursing home rather than being somewhere on the street. So does he have it worse?
Some people have the amazing ability to see the good in situations.
Everybody has a different opinion on everything. Probably 90% of the people reading this blog probably feel I'm the most annoying, whiney, judgemental bitch ever. And that's fine, because I'm writing this as a release, not as a dagger to any person and these are MY opinions.
I see others sharing their stories of different things like how bad their day was and I'll hear "man, they're just so annoying! Why won't they keep it to themselves" I feel they know their story will help maybe 1 person one day.
So, how do you determine who has it worse? How do you determine that someone is annoying? How do you determine that someone is in the wrong?
You don't determine anything.
To determine is to settle or decide. And nobody has that kind of power.
You express your feelings and leave it at that. Don't force your opinions on anybody because what's suckish in your eyes is gold in another.
I wish everyone blogged to express their feelings...
Because I tell you what, I feel like weight was lifted off my shoulders!
Monday, November 28, 2011
Sunday, November 27, 2011
It's not my secret to tell...
Everybody knows Adam. He's that man that everybody just adores. He's tall, dark, and handsome, and extremely smart. He's the life of every party, and you're so excited when he calls to hang out. Everybody loves him!
Adam and I have been so close for years...
We tell eachother everything and enjoy eachothers company.
Of course, I am the one who finds out this secret about him that, and in the most sophisticated of words, really sucks! I stumble across this secret, so Adam doesn't even know I know!
He should have told me, he should have told everybody, but he lied and kept it all to himself.
This thing that Adam did, it's horrible, disgusting and demeaning. What he did hurt me on a personal level. Not just the fact he didn't tell me, but just the fact that he did it without a single tear, a single bit of heartache. I can never look at him the same, and for the past few months, I have been putting on a brave front around him trying so hard not to punch him in his face for what he did. The happy face I put on around him, can be seen right through because I don't hide my feelings so well. And people ask why I'm not happy for him, or why I make little snippets at him, or why I just don't care to be near him as much as I'd like. I just shrug and say I'm having a bad day. Now I'm the bad person for not liking the most likable person ever???
I could confront him of what I know, but then I can't pretend it never happened. What he did, in my book, I can't forgive and I definately can't forget. At least if I never tell him I can pretend I still like him and keep him in my life.
Why couldn't it be someone else to find this out...
Do I just suck it up? Because it's eating me alive!
What I wouldn't do to just scream this secret to the world...
But it's not my secret to tell...
Adam and I have been so close for years...
We tell eachother everything and enjoy eachothers company.
Of course, I am the one who finds out this secret about him that, and in the most sophisticated of words, really sucks! I stumble across this secret, so Adam doesn't even know I know!
He should have told me, he should have told everybody, but he lied and kept it all to himself.
This thing that Adam did, it's horrible, disgusting and demeaning. What he did hurt me on a personal level. Not just the fact he didn't tell me, but just the fact that he did it without a single tear, a single bit of heartache. I can never look at him the same, and for the past few months, I have been putting on a brave front around him trying so hard not to punch him in his face for what he did. The happy face I put on around him, can be seen right through because I don't hide my feelings so well. And people ask why I'm not happy for him, or why I make little snippets at him, or why I just don't care to be near him as much as I'd like. I just shrug and say I'm having a bad day. Now I'm the bad person for not liking the most likable person ever???
I could confront him of what I know, but then I can't pretend it never happened. What he did, in my book, I can't forgive and I definately can't forget. At least if I never tell him I can pretend I still like him and keep him in my life.
Why couldn't it be someone else to find this out...
Do I just suck it up? Because it's eating me alive!
What I wouldn't do to just scream this secret to the world...
But it's not my secret to tell...
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
The holidays are here...
The holidays are officially here!
Christmas music is all over the radio, Black Friday commercials are raiding the televisions, and supermarkets are racking up the price of chicken broth and cranberry jelly!
I love this time of year...
The other morning I woke up in a grumpy mood. I just wasn't feeling it. I was super tired, I had to drive across town at 8 a.m. and when I get in the car and hear the Christmas music, I get an instant smile on my face.
We will be putting lights up across our porch hopefully soon. And this will be Joe's first Christmas with a real tree!! I can't wait to see him out there laying on the ground and sawing down the perfect tree. All we need is some snow to make the season complete!
On a much less lighter note:
I had my back injectiong last week! It was definately not what I was expecting. It didn't exactly hurt, it was just extremely uncomfortable. I feel a million times better. This injection didn't totally take away the pain but it definately made it bareable.
And on an even more less lighter note:
No baby news yet :-(
Still going every few days to get poked at and it's just taking way too long! I'm impatient..
I've had so many things running through my head lately... a lot of things I probably shouldn't post on the internet. Things that piss me off more than anything in the whole world... Should I really care about peoples feelings when all they think about are themselves? Maybe I'll think of some code words and write the whole thing in code :-) Let me go think....
Christmas music is all over the radio, Black Friday commercials are raiding the televisions, and supermarkets are racking up the price of chicken broth and cranberry jelly!
I love this time of year...
The other morning I woke up in a grumpy mood. I just wasn't feeling it. I was super tired, I had to drive across town at 8 a.m. and when I get in the car and hear the Christmas music, I get an instant smile on my face.
We will be putting lights up across our porch hopefully soon. And this will be Joe's first Christmas with a real tree!! I can't wait to see him out there laying on the ground and sawing down the perfect tree. All we need is some snow to make the season complete!
On a much less lighter note:
I had my back injectiong last week! It was definately not what I was expecting. It didn't exactly hurt, it was just extremely uncomfortable. I feel a million times better. This injection didn't totally take away the pain but it definately made it bareable.
And on an even more less lighter note:
No baby news yet :-(
Still going every few days to get poked at and it's just taking way too long! I'm impatient..
I've had so many things running through my head lately... a lot of things I probably shouldn't post on the internet. Things that piss me off more than anything in the whole world... Should I really care about peoples feelings when all they think about are themselves? Maybe I'll think of some code words and write the whole thing in code :-) Let me go think....
Thursday, November 10, 2011
I look like a junkie...
So it's been the first week of finding out what is wrong and why we can't have children.
It's only been a few days and it's already wearing me out! It's so personal and yet so impersonal at the same time...
So, it all started this past Monday with our first doctors visit, and I wrote about it in my last blog so I won't backtrack.
Tuesday morning I went to go get the big bloodwork. yeah, that 30 some tubes I was talking about?
Well, it was only 25, I counted lol. They started in my right arm because I've been getting all my bloodwork out of the left, so it was all bruised. She puts the needle in and plugs in tube number 1..2...3....7....10....14, and it starts to slow down... and she goes "well, at least we know you have really good platelets!" I clotted the tube so I couldn't get any more blood out! So she switches arms and I'm dreading it because I know it's gonna hurt from all the bruising. It did! So heres tube 15.....18...22...24... and barely squeeked out tube 25, but we got there! They took about half the amount I would give if I were donating blood, so I felt pretty okay afterwards, but my arms were all bruised and poked at. Well, at least that one was finished!
Wednesday morning I go back to have a hysteroscopy, and my first question is, "Is this like a hysterectomy?!?" I get a chuckle, but no it's not. So, I'm sitting in this pretty comfy chair, waiting for the doctor, and he comes in and pushes a button and the chair turned into a table while I'm on it, my legs are flying in the air, what the hell did I just get myself into! Now, I won't get graphic, but basically they just go in and look around to make sure everything is fine. You can google it for the details! I left that appointment feeling very violated, but relieved that everything came back fine.
Well, this morning, I go back to get, yup, more blood work!
Bloodwork, ultrasounds, poking and prodding, and we're only 4 days in...
We have 1 test coming up...which is the most embarrassing test I think ever known to man. It's the "post-coital" test. Yup! We need to do it, and go straight to the doctor...
&%$#%&$#?!?!?!!?
Come on now...really? That happens probably next week and I'm totally dreading it...Not the doing it part, the going straight to the doctor part haha!
So, that's how all this fertility crap is going on but, it'll all be worth it in the end right?
My arms have knicks and bruises all over, and I look like a junkie. Joe said I should wear long sleeves for a while...
It's only been a few days and it's already wearing me out! It's so personal and yet so impersonal at the same time...
So, it all started this past Monday with our first doctors visit, and I wrote about it in my last blog so I won't backtrack.
Tuesday morning I went to go get the big bloodwork. yeah, that 30 some tubes I was talking about?
Well, it was only 25, I counted lol. They started in my right arm because I've been getting all my bloodwork out of the left, so it was all bruised. She puts the needle in and plugs in tube number 1..2...3....7....10....14, and it starts to slow down... and she goes "well, at least we know you have really good platelets!" I clotted the tube so I couldn't get any more blood out! So she switches arms and I'm dreading it because I know it's gonna hurt from all the bruising. It did! So heres tube 15.....18...22...24... and barely squeeked out tube 25, but we got there! They took about half the amount I would give if I were donating blood, so I felt pretty okay afterwards, but my arms were all bruised and poked at. Well, at least that one was finished!
Wednesday morning I go back to have a hysteroscopy, and my first question is, "Is this like a hysterectomy?!?" I get a chuckle, but no it's not. So, I'm sitting in this pretty comfy chair, waiting for the doctor, and he comes in and pushes a button and the chair turned into a table while I'm on it, my legs are flying in the air, what the hell did I just get myself into! Now, I won't get graphic, but basically they just go in and look around to make sure everything is fine. You can google it for the details! I left that appointment feeling very violated, but relieved that everything came back fine.
Well, this morning, I go back to get, yup, more blood work!
Bloodwork, ultrasounds, poking and prodding, and we're only 4 days in...
We have 1 test coming up...which is the most embarrassing test I think ever known to man. It's the "post-coital" test. Yup! We need to do it, and go straight to the doctor...
&%$#%&$#?!?!?!!?
Come on now...really? That happens probably next week and I'm totally dreading it...Not the doing it part, the going straight to the doctor part haha!
So, that's how all this fertility crap is going on but, it'll all be worth it in the end right?
My arms have knicks and bruises all over, and I look like a junkie. Joe said I should wear long sleeves for a while...
Monday, November 7, 2011
Damn lemons...
When life hands you lemons, you don't appreciate them as much as the ones you have to hand-pick off the tree you grew from a sprout...
Today was an unbelievable day.
First thing this morning we had an appointment with an infertility doctor. I was a extremely nervous because I never thought it would have gotten to this point. But on the other hand I was so anxious all week. I couldn't wait to finally see what the hell was wrong because damnit, I want babies!!!
So, we get to the office, and right away it gives off a warm feeling. I'm happy. We speak with a nurse and get all the basics down, and she was so helpful, and here he comes... The doctor who is gonna fix us! He walks in and immediately gets started. Asking all types of questions and drawing an awesome diagram. And somehow he already knew what was wrong with me and what we need to do to fix it! Apparently, I have very healthy eggs but I don't ovulate. He said it could be a simple fix, do a shit ton of testing and get me on some medication and we should have babies!!!!
Now, anyone who has gone through infertility knows how pricey these tests are. But in my book, it is worth every penny!!
So, today I had a set of bloodwork done, just 1 little tube, and I never bruise when I get bloodwork but this lady messed up my arm big time, it's all black and blue! I had an ultrasound to check my ovaries, and she said it looks like I have PCOS, so it is something to look out for, but not a huge deal yet. Tomorrow morning I go for a second set of labwork, and she said they are going to take roughly 30 tubes of blood....
&%*#*%!??!?!
30 tubes of blood?!?
Yeah, I think Joe will be driving me home after this one...
So, that is where we are at now.
After thinking long and hard about whether to have surgery on my back or not, I'm going to try the injections for sure first. So, tuesday morning I get 2 injections into my back and lets hope it works out!
I've taken a lot of things in my life for granted. This journey we're taking is really changing my outlook on life and really making me take a step back and really appreciate the things that I do have. I can't say that for a lot of people but... *shrugs*
Keep your fingers crossed!! :-)
Today was an unbelievable day.
First thing this morning we had an appointment with an infertility doctor. I was a extremely nervous because I never thought it would have gotten to this point. But on the other hand I was so anxious all week. I couldn't wait to finally see what the hell was wrong because damnit, I want babies!!!
So, we get to the office, and right away it gives off a warm feeling. I'm happy. We speak with a nurse and get all the basics down, and she was so helpful, and here he comes... The doctor who is gonna fix us! He walks in and immediately gets started. Asking all types of questions and drawing an awesome diagram. And somehow he already knew what was wrong with me and what we need to do to fix it! Apparently, I have very healthy eggs but I don't ovulate. He said it could be a simple fix, do a shit ton of testing and get me on some medication and we should have babies!!!!
Now, anyone who has gone through infertility knows how pricey these tests are. But in my book, it is worth every penny!!
So, today I had a set of bloodwork done, just 1 little tube, and I never bruise when I get bloodwork but this lady messed up my arm big time, it's all black and blue! I had an ultrasound to check my ovaries, and she said it looks like I have PCOS, so it is something to look out for, but not a huge deal yet. Tomorrow morning I go for a second set of labwork, and she said they are going to take roughly 30 tubes of blood....
&%*#*%!??!?!
30 tubes of blood?!?
Yeah, I think Joe will be driving me home after this one...
So, that is where we are at now.
After thinking long and hard about whether to have surgery on my back or not, I'm going to try the injections for sure first. So, tuesday morning I get 2 injections into my back and lets hope it works out!
I've taken a lot of things in my life for granted. This journey we're taking is really changing my outlook on life and really making me take a step back and really appreciate the things that I do have. I can't say that for a lot of people but... *shrugs*
Keep your fingers crossed!! :-)
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
21 and broken...
Well, today was a big day... I had the potential to find out:
1.) Can I have babies?
and
2.) Do I need back surgery?
Let's start with the first...
I had to go get some labwork done on monday to check all my hormones and all that fun stuff. The "Day 3" labwork is what they call it. They told me to call back in a couple days and they will have the results!
"Okay, doctor!"
I was going to wait 3 days just to be on a safe side, but I couldn't wait! I needed to call... I get on the phone with the nurse who has been handling my case and she looked up my labwork and asked how I was feeling. Well, I'm feeling fine, I mean a little hungry because I haven't had breakfast yet but, I'm fine, why?
So, now I'm scared... what is wrong that she would have to ask me how I'm feeling?! Nobody cares this much??!!
Turns out everything is normal. My thyroid count is a little low (hence the "how are you feeling") but all my hormones are within normal range...
You've got to be kidding me... 2 miscarriages and a year with no baby and you're telling me I'm fine?! Come on now!
Who can I punch?
So, the doctor will be calling me tomorrow with a plan...
*Sigh*
BACK SURGERY???
So, my post "bad healthcare" explains a lot of why I need surgery. The car accident. Well, today I finally saw that busy doctor that I was waiting to see for a second opinion on having surgery on my back or not. He recommends I get the cortizone injections in my back. Okay, but nothing is a permanent fix. The injections could potentially wear off anywhere from 1 week to 5 years (yeah, that's a nice time frame) and the surgery could either work wonders or not at all.
UUUGGGHHH...
Am I back at square 1? Because I really cannot live with this pain anymore.
So, I'm thinking what I'm going to do is try the injections first. My thought is I can try injections and pray that they work, you can't exactly "try" a surgery, it's a little too permanent.
So, I am going to schedule an appointment and we'll go from there!
Oh, and in case you were wondering, I did ask the question, "Will having a baby put my back in danger?" and "Should I wait to fix my back and put off having children?"
He pretty much said that pain in my back may become more severe carrying the weight of a baby, but it won't worsen my back in the long run and that i'll go back to the way I am now as soon as I have one.
YAY, I guess there is good news out of all this.
Time to make some babies!!
So, it's been one hell of a day...I've got a broken body and I'm only 21 years old. But, I guess I accomplished some things, but I still feel like I'm at a stand still.
1.) Can I have babies?
and
2.) Do I need back surgery?
Let's start with the first...
I had to go get some labwork done on monday to check all my hormones and all that fun stuff. The "Day 3" labwork is what they call it. They told me to call back in a couple days and they will have the results!
"Okay, doctor!"
I was going to wait 3 days just to be on a safe side, but I couldn't wait! I needed to call... I get on the phone with the nurse who has been handling my case and she looked up my labwork and asked how I was feeling. Well, I'm feeling fine, I mean a little hungry because I haven't had breakfast yet but, I'm fine, why?
So, now I'm scared... what is wrong that she would have to ask me how I'm feeling?! Nobody cares this much??!!
Turns out everything is normal. My thyroid count is a little low (hence the "how are you feeling") but all my hormones are within normal range...
You've got to be kidding me... 2 miscarriages and a year with no baby and you're telling me I'm fine?! Come on now!
Who can I punch?
So, the doctor will be calling me tomorrow with a plan...
*Sigh*
BACK SURGERY???
So, my post "bad healthcare" explains a lot of why I need surgery. The car accident. Well, today I finally saw that busy doctor that I was waiting to see for a second opinion on having surgery on my back or not. He recommends I get the cortizone injections in my back. Okay, but nothing is a permanent fix. The injections could potentially wear off anywhere from 1 week to 5 years (yeah, that's a nice time frame) and the surgery could either work wonders or not at all.
UUUGGGHHH...
Am I back at square 1? Because I really cannot live with this pain anymore.
So, I'm thinking what I'm going to do is try the injections first. My thought is I can try injections and pray that they work, you can't exactly "try" a surgery, it's a little too permanent.
So, I am going to schedule an appointment and we'll go from there!
Oh, and in case you were wondering, I did ask the question, "Will having a baby put my back in danger?" and "Should I wait to fix my back and put off having children?"
He pretty much said that pain in my back may become more severe carrying the weight of a baby, but it won't worsen my back in the long run and that i'll go back to the way I am now as soon as I have one.
YAY, I guess there is good news out of all this.
Time to make some babies!!
So, it's been one hell of a day...I've got a broken body and I'm only 21 years old. But, I guess I accomplished some things, but I still feel like I'm at a stand still.
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