Appleton, Wisconsin

Joe's company is based out of Appleton, Wisconsin;  a small town in the middle of nowhere.

He brought up the idea a few months ago that maybe one day we could move out there because he always wanted to go back to the midwest.  But I told him that there's no way I'd move that far away! Delaware is my home, I'd miss it too much.  

The past few months or so we've been really considering purchasing a house, and just for kicks I looked up houses in Appleton. 

Holy crap!

You get about twice as much house for half the price out there. Ridiculous.

I was like, okay let me look up apartments.  $450.00 for a luxury 1200 sq. ft. apartment. 
WHAT?!

You can't even get the basement of a convicted murderer for that cheap!



I got sucked in.
Before I knew it I was looking up schools and churches and local fairs.
This town has that "small town" feel to it.  Joe absolutely loves it. It's only fair that I check it out right?




Our vacation is coming up soon and we've decided to spend a few days in Wisconsin and see how we really like it.  I've found a local church that we're going to attend, a few activities to do there, and I think if nothing else it'll be really fun.  He also knows a lady up in the area who has lived there for years and we're going to spend a day with her really getting to know the area.




My heart aches.

Everyday here is just a bad day...
I look around our area and the children and schools, and I don't want to raise my child in Delaware.


Having flight benefits is always a plus and I can hop on a plan anytime I'd like.






But I'm really starting to think the middle of nowhere is kind of what we need right now...

The waiting game...

It's been a little bit since I've written and it's because I haven't had a whole lot to say...

I feel like everything is kinda put on hold...


Since the beginning of the year we're trying a more natural approach to trying to conceive a baby.  I started taking the multi-vitamin that has a "baby in every bottle", had a reiki session, drinking my tea and a few other things...

I went to my initial exam with this new doctor last week and did an ultra sounds and somehow I ovulated on my own this month...

Was it a coincidence or is this stuff really working???

So, this was last Tuesday and if my cycle doesn't come on before next Tuesday the 28th, I go back for more tests.... So this week is just a waiting game.
Fun right?





As for my old doctors office...

This new place really needs my medical records so they aren't billing insurance twice for tests.  I was hesitant because I still wanted to have the surgery on my tubes and didn't wanna burn any bridges so to speak.  They said I can request my records just for my personal recods but they were going to charge for them, so I said screw it, I'm just gonna sign a release and get my records sent to them, whats the worse that can happen?

I get a voicemail about 30 minutes after the release was sent from one of the nurses.  It was the single most nastiest messages I've ever received. Basically, it went like this:

"Hi, Denise.  This is ***** calling about a release of your medical records to another fertility clinic.  I'm just calling to take you off our schedule for your surgery so we can make room for someone who actually goes to our office, Thank you!"

Are you kidding me?

What if I was just going to get a second opinion?? 


It pissed me off so bad, I called her back and gave her a piece of my mind and will never step foot back into that office.


People can be so rude...

Where's the motivation?

In 2010 when me and Joe found out we were going to be expecting a baby, shortly after I realized I needed a way to pay for the pregnancy.  I had a part time job at Target,  no benefits, nothin'! We didn't want to get married simply because I got pregnant, and my only other choice of insurance was to go through the state and get medicaid. 

I go to the little medicaid office and fill out paper work and get a proof of pregnancy from my doctor and they set me up with all kinds of benefits. I would have gotten a totally free pregnancy, all my visits were covered, and they were even gonna put me on WIC so I would've gotten food stamps. 
A little embarrassing, but hey, I'll take what I can get!


After the miscarriage my medicaid remained until I turned 21.  About 2 months before my 21st birthday, I realized my mouth was killing me and my eyes were straining. So I go and get my wisdom teeth checked out, and they tell me everything will be covered all I have to do is set up an appointment! Okay!  I get all 4 of my wisdom teeth pulled out, my prescription for percocets was free, and I got out of work to 2 days. Can't beat that right?

A few weeks later I make an eye doctors appointment to get them checked out because I was blind as a bat at night.  I go in there expecting to have to pay for my glasses, duh, and maybe a copay for the exam.  They call me back for the exam, tell me what my prescription is and hand me a case of 15-20 pairs of glasses I can choose from for free! Hell yeah! And if I don't like those, medicaid will pay up to $100.00 of the designer glasses.  Being the cheap ass that I am, I go for the free ones, and pick out a nice pair of glasses, and they fit them to my face, and I was excited! My first pair of glasses! They said they'll call me in 2 weeks when they arrive.
What, no copay?
"Nope, it's covered! Have a nice day."

Well, damn! Gonna cook me dinner too??




Joe started his job back in July of 2011, and when they handed us a benefits packet to fill out and see what different plans there are to choose from, I got even more excited. My first real insurance, I won't be embarrassed to hand someone my medicaid card.  We choose a dental plan, an eye plan, and a health plan. We pay a pretty penny for this insurance every month, but I thought it'd all be worth it.
Right? 
You'd think having a job and actually paying for your insurance would be a good thing, right?

WRONG!

The only good thing about this insurance is the fact just about everyone accepts Blue Cross Blue Shield.  It sucks that everytime I go into a doctors office, whether it's to pick up a prescription, or to tell my doctor I have a sore throat, bam! $15.00 copay. 
Okay, okay... That's not too bad, 15 bucks?  But, when I was on medicaid it was free....?!?!
I went to the eye doctor this week to upgrade my glasses and see about getting a stronger prescription because these ones I'm still blind.
I go in for my exam, phew! No copay.  But don't worry they still got in their sucker punch.  They hand me my prescription and send me off to pick out my glasses, and she gives me a cute little box to walk around with and pick out glasses that I like the style of.  I get about 3 or 4 in my box and I happen to see a price, $260.00!! WTF! I nicely go up to her and ask what my insurance covers or if there were any that were free that my insurance will cover.  She politely says, "No there are no free ones, but your insurance will cover $100.00 of any pair and then you pay only 80% of the remaining charge!" So you're saying my insurance that I pay for every month, barely covers anything...correct?
She told me they cover the anti scratch coating but everything else there are % charges for.
So basically I'd be paying about $200.00 for a pair of damn glasses...
Umm....What?







So what your saying is...

People who pay for insurance monthly, who have a job, and work their butt off,  are being totally screwed?

That's basically what it sounds like.

When I was on medicaid, life was handed to me on a freakin' silver platter. And now because Joe and I have real jobs we're being screwed out of thousands of dollars a year on insurance and co pays?




Now, I understand medicaid is there for a reason, and I'm not dogging on people who have it...




But, is there something wrong with this picture or am I just crazy?

Don't give up on me now...

I have donated blood plenty of times in the past 2 years. I like to do my part, people need blood transfusions every day. I'm a fantastic donor also! I can pump out a pint in under 5 minutes!  For those of you who have never given blood, they do a pre-screening test of about 25 questions. They also take a small sample of blood to see how your hemoglobin levels are. 

Thursday night was Joe and I's turn to donate blood.  We get there and get set up in our little room.  They start off by taking my hemoglobin levels and I am measured at 12.3 and you need a 12.5 in order to donate.  Are you kidding me? They took it again to make sure it was an accurate reading... and of course, it was.  What in the world. So, I couldn't donate and they told me to come back in a week..
Fine...

As I'm waiting in the canteen for Joe to finish giving blood,  about 3 minutes later he walks up to me and asks what I'm doing! I told him I was denied because my levels were too low and he said he got denied because he had a tattoo!!
What in the world is going on!
They obviously aren't in desperate need for blood.

We left and I was a little discouraged I couldn't donate.

I'm discouraged because  I feel like my body isn't letting me do anything I want.
Is that selfish?
It sounded a little selfish as I wrote it.

I can't be as active as I'd like because my back won't let me walk more than 20 seconds until I'm crippled with pain.
I can't have a child because my insides are all messed up.
And now I can't even donate blood??

Come on, body, don't give up on me now...



This past week or so I've been trying to take a more natural approach to trying to have a child.

I starting taking this new multi-vitamin which is for old people, but apparently there is a "baby in every bottle" haha.  And I drink a cup of "pregnancy tea" every morning with certain herbs to help balance out the body. 

It can't hurt, right?

Tuesday morning is my visit with the new doctors and I am crazy excited.  I feel like they are really gonna take the time to help us out.





Moving on.




Something has really been bothering me lately...

In my small journey to better myself and just all around become a better person.  My number 1 goal is to be more helpful.

I've always been one to help and care for people, that's just what I do.

Everytime I extend my hand to help someone, or be there for someone, I get snubbed and it's starting to really frustrate me. I sit here and watch people bitch about one thing or another, and when I hand them my help on a freakin' silver platter, they push me away like I'm inconveniencing them. 





If someone were to hand you a thousand bucks and told you to just take it, don't worry about paying them back, and don't feel bad about it. 
You'd take it right?


Duh.