I've been going to this doctors office to try and have a baby since about October. I chose them because there is 1 doctor, the staff is so nice, they know you by name and everyone is so helpful.
To know that they have totally and completely screwed me over really puts a dent in my happiness.
When we started going, I was told that insurance covers all diagnostic testing and procedures. So for them to tell me that a test here and there are not covered kinda raised an eyebrow, but these people know what their talking about right? Some tests were put on hold because they had to be paid out of pocket, the surgery was almost had to be paid for, I mean, we've put a lot of freakin money into this place because our insurance didn't cover everything.
The other day I called this new place because they do payments. Their billing department spoke with me over the phone and she said things just aren't adding up. She ask for my permission to call the insurance and ask if these tests were covered. I was a little hesitant because I didn't wanna raise any red flags to the insurance. She assured me nothing like that would happen and will get back with me.
This morning I had a very interesting conversation...
This new office is telling me all these future tests and surgeries will be covered, and all those tests I paid for before should have been covered.
Are you telling me these people lied to me to make money off me?
Was it an honest mistake?
How do you make a mistake like that.
But this leads me to my next question.
If they had submitted the testing and surgery to the insurance, they would have accepted it because it's covered...
Did they never submit any of this?!
You have got to be kidding me!
Needless to say, I have an appointment with this new doctor next Tuesday and will never step foot into that other office again!
Monday, January 30, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Can you put a price on a child?
Okay here we go...
I've written this blog twice now. And each time I get close to the end my thumbs hit the mouse pad on my lap top and highlight something and the whole thing erases... UGH!
This time I am outsmarting this damn computer, and turning the mouse pad off!
Jeez...
Letting go of disappointment, keeping my head up, and staying brave.
It's a hell of a lot easier said than done...
This last round of Clomid failed to work, so Tuesday I had a consult with my doctor. I got some really good news and some really bad news.
He said he will do the surgery for me, run it under a different diagnosis, and it will be covered by insurance.. YAY! The next step would be to start a different approach with medication. It's a medication (Not sure the name of it, I think he said FSH or something) that is 5 times stronger than Clomid, and there is a high risk of muliples on this medication. Oh darn.... NOT! I would love to have mutiples lol. Unfortunately, this shot requires a lot of monitoring so I'd be going there more frequently which would raise a red flag to my insurance and it'd no longer be covered. Bummer... And they would do 2 rounds of IUI with this medication. Fun... So the price of this option, all office visits and blood work is $2,200.00. The medication is not included in that and depending on how much of a dosage I would need, it's anywhere from an additional $2,000-$4,000...
You've got to be kidding me....
Well, I ask if there are any other options, because I tell ya what...we do not have that kind of money just laying around.
The other option is to do IVF and I'm sure you all know what that is. But this would bypass the surgery, and I would no longer need it. Okay, well that sounds awesome. So, I ask them...how much is this one going to run me?
Mind you, I'm going into this thinking I'm going to spend a thousand dollars, maybe 2.
These people tell me it's $8,000.00 for IVF.... Not including medication, program fees, and all this other crap. So a total of almost $12,000!! Now you've really got to be kidding me....
I'd like to know what people do for a living to just say "Okay sign me up!"
I feel like I'm buying a car!
The absolute worst part about all this is that they don't accept payments. Now okay, I'd be paying for my baby for the next 4 years just like a car payment, I can do payments, but $12,000 up front?! Come on...you guys are killing me....
Leaving extremely discouraged and about the size of a peanut, I go home and collect my thoughts.
Can you really put a price on a child? If someone tells me I can't have a child unless I pay them X amount of dollars, I tell you this now, I will save until I'm blue in the face to reach X amount of dollars and make a baby. I've worked too damn hard to have money get in my way of becoming a mother. If you told me I can't have kids because of a medical condition, that's different, but money?
I don't think so...
I leave the house with this in mind, and I recieved a session of Reiki. I've never had it done before but I keep getting told it's exactly what I need... Well okay if you insist :-)
I went in with an open mind and throughout the entire thing it was a feeling I never experienced before. Being able to share your emotions with someone who knows just a handful about you. Being able to let them show you the journey you need to take to clear your mind and become at peace with your thoughts and how to manage them. I stood up, wiped away a few tears, and I felt cold inside. And not the kind of "cold hearted" most people think of. But I felt like so much bad energy was just cleared away and my body can finally breathe in fresh air.
I felt like a new person who could take on the world.
Combining that with a few breath prayers I was given by a special someone, I'm definately ready to take this whole situation on full force. I thought I was ready before and the difference between before and now, I actually believe in myself that I can do this. I will become a mother and Joe will become a father. We made a pact right?
What's my game plan?
I'm going to schedule the surgery. IVF or not, I want my tubes to be fixed. I'm going to ask this office again if they will work with me with payments, because if not I'm going to have to leave them. I found another office right in Christiana Hospital that actually accepts payments for their IVF program. If that is the way I need to go, then so be it. I love this office, I love the personal touch I get there, and I love the one on one time, but what good is that if I can't afford to be there?
I may love the look and feel of a brand new Audi, but I sure as hell can't afford to drive it! lol
I'm going to give this new place a call and set up a consultation and see what they can do for me. Let's keep our fingers crossed that something good really does come out of all this :-)
I just want to thank anyone who has been a part of this whole journey... Even the ones who just sit there an listen, believe me you have no idea how much it's appreciated...
Keep your head up, and keep those fingers crossed!
Oh, and the mousepad thing worked... And I think I'm going to use it from now on because it stopped me from getting distracted and going to facebook. Haha!
I've written this blog twice now. And each time I get close to the end my thumbs hit the mouse pad on my lap top and highlight something and the whole thing erases... UGH!
This time I am outsmarting this damn computer, and turning the mouse pad off!
Jeez...
Letting go of disappointment, keeping my head up, and staying brave.
It's a hell of a lot easier said than done...
This last round of Clomid failed to work, so Tuesday I had a consult with my doctor. I got some really good news and some really bad news.
He said he will do the surgery for me, run it under a different diagnosis, and it will be covered by insurance.. YAY! The next step would be to start a different approach with medication. It's a medication (Not sure the name of it, I think he said FSH or something) that is 5 times stronger than Clomid, and there is a high risk of muliples on this medication. Oh darn.... NOT! I would love to have mutiples lol. Unfortunately, this shot requires a lot of monitoring so I'd be going there more frequently which would raise a red flag to my insurance and it'd no longer be covered. Bummer... And they would do 2 rounds of IUI with this medication. Fun... So the price of this option, all office visits and blood work is $2,200.00. The medication is not included in that and depending on how much of a dosage I would need, it's anywhere from an additional $2,000-$4,000...
You've got to be kidding me....
Well, I ask if there are any other options, because I tell ya what...we do not have that kind of money just laying around.
The other option is to do IVF and I'm sure you all know what that is. But this would bypass the surgery, and I would no longer need it. Okay, well that sounds awesome. So, I ask them...how much is this one going to run me?
Mind you, I'm going into this thinking I'm going to spend a thousand dollars, maybe 2.
These people tell me it's $8,000.00 for IVF.... Not including medication, program fees, and all this other crap. So a total of almost $12,000!! Now you've really got to be kidding me....
I'd like to know what people do for a living to just say "Okay sign me up!"
I feel like I'm buying a car!
The absolute worst part about all this is that they don't accept payments. Now okay, I'd be paying for my baby for the next 4 years just like a car payment, I can do payments, but $12,000 up front?! Come on...you guys are killing me....
Leaving extremely discouraged and about the size of a peanut, I go home and collect my thoughts.
Can you really put a price on a child? If someone tells me I can't have a child unless I pay them X amount of dollars, I tell you this now, I will save until I'm blue in the face to reach X amount of dollars and make a baby. I've worked too damn hard to have money get in my way of becoming a mother. If you told me I can't have kids because of a medical condition, that's different, but money?
I don't think so...
I leave the house with this in mind, and I recieved a session of Reiki. I've never had it done before but I keep getting told it's exactly what I need... Well okay if you insist :-)
I went in with an open mind and throughout the entire thing it was a feeling I never experienced before. Being able to share your emotions with someone who knows just a handful about you. Being able to let them show you the journey you need to take to clear your mind and become at peace with your thoughts and how to manage them. I stood up, wiped away a few tears, and I felt cold inside. And not the kind of "cold hearted" most people think of. But I felt like so much bad energy was just cleared away and my body can finally breathe in fresh air.
I felt like a new person who could take on the world.
Combining that with a few breath prayers I was given by a special someone, I'm definately ready to take this whole situation on full force. I thought I was ready before and the difference between before and now, I actually believe in myself that I can do this. I will become a mother and Joe will become a father. We made a pact right?
What's my game plan?
I'm going to schedule the surgery. IVF or not, I want my tubes to be fixed. I'm going to ask this office again if they will work with me with payments, because if not I'm going to have to leave them. I found another office right in Christiana Hospital that actually accepts payments for their IVF program. If that is the way I need to go, then so be it. I love this office, I love the personal touch I get there, and I love the one on one time, but what good is that if I can't afford to be there?
I may love the look and feel of a brand new Audi, but I sure as hell can't afford to drive it! lol
I'm going to give this new place a call and set up a consultation and see what they can do for me. Let's keep our fingers crossed that something good really does come out of all this :-)
I just want to thank anyone who has been a part of this whole journey... Even the ones who just sit there an listen, believe me you have no idea how much it's appreciated...
Keep your head up, and keep those fingers crossed!
Oh, and the mousepad thing worked... And I think I'm going to use it from now on because it stopped me from getting distracted and going to facebook. Haha!
Sunday, January 15, 2012
We made a pact.
I've been trying for a week to write a blog.... and each time I started I got stumped on what to write or how I was feeling... But I finally got it.
A little background to my story:
When Joe first took this job working at Air Wisconsin, he said there was only so much he can move up in the company here in Philadelphia. If he wants to go even higher he would more than likely have to move to Wisconsin. I told him, "Hell No!" I was born here in Delaware, a majority of my family is here on the east coast, this is where I want to stay. Just the thought of moving halfway across the US gave me anxiety.
This past week I am trying to let go of disappointment in my life. Whether it be from past problems, grudges, or this whole baby thing (We'll get to more of that later).
So, I sat down to reevaluate our life.
We look around my little apartment, and we just reflect on everything that we do have, and don't bash ourselves for the things we don't. I look back 4 years at my first apartment, how I had a total of 2 paintings on the wall (I bought in the mall for $10.00), a couch, a dining room table I got off craigslist, and a matress that sat on the floor. And I guess that was okay for then, but now I've got 2 little dogs to take care of, I've got a husband to take care of. We've filled our walls with paintings and pictures of our families, we have bookshelves of all his favorite books and all of my favorite movies, a piano for Joe to practice on, a diningroom table that was passed down in his family, and we've upgraded to a beautiful sleigh bed. Well that's the the material things. The love that flows through our tiny apartment is unreal. We have so much love and care, we'd both do anything for eachother and others. As much as I'll miss this place, it's time to move :-).
Baby News?
No...
You know that test we were putting off, sono something? The one that was way to expensive to do at first and I figured, I got pregnant once before my tubes can't be blocked.
Boy was I wrong.
We ended up saving up and had the test done last friday.
Turns out my right tube is blocked. This can easily be fixed with a surgery. Now if the test was not covered by insurance, I'm pretty sure the surgery is not covered either. So, we'll find out on Tuesday what insurance says and what the doctors say...
But I feel like everything is stacking against us trying to have a baby.
I'm up to 4 flaws of why I can't have a baby!
Hah, and I thought I was healthy...
But, hopefully nothing else happens, hopefully this is all that is wrong with me and after these stupid problems are fixed we can finally start a family.
Joe hates seeing me upset and cry and get stressed over having a baby.
But I asked if I can have 10 minutes to cry my face off...
He said yes, of course.
He held me and I cried.
And I surprisingly felt really good afterwards!
I'm back on my feet! I'm ready to take this bull by the horns and totally beat this thing.
He keeps telling me that when we finally have this baby... We are going to have so much love for him or her and we are really going to appreciate all the work that we've done to get them more than anything else in the world.
I'm glad we've never been "given'' anything. I think that has been our plan from the start. Work hard and you'll be rewarded greatly. We're working our asses off to have a baby, hopefully we end up with 5 healthy ones! We're working our asses off to get a house, a great big one in the perfect neighborhood and a pool would be nice! We struggled with that stupid car for a year and we finally get a break on our payment, hell yeah!
We've worked for everything we have and in the process don't owe ANYBODY ANYTHING!
It's a great feeling.
Let's bring you up to speed.
The other night, another disappointment came...
And I took a deep breath, and realized I think it's time to move.
I actually considered moving to Wisconsin. I started looking at real estate out there and boy the houses there are beautiful!
And I did all that with no anxiety... So are we meant to move away? Get away from all the stress and disappointments here?
Or would that be considedered running away...
Hmm...
Me and Joe made a pact last night.
He's going to buy me a house, and I'm going to give him a baby.
No matter what!
:-)
A little background to my story:
When Joe first took this job working at Air Wisconsin, he said there was only so much he can move up in the company here in Philadelphia. If he wants to go even higher he would more than likely have to move to Wisconsin. I told him, "Hell No!" I was born here in Delaware, a majority of my family is here on the east coast, this is where I want to stay. Just the thought of moving halfway across the US gave me anxiety.
This past week I am trying to let go of disappointment in my life. Whether it be from past problems, grudges, or this whole baby thing (We'll get to more of that later).
So, I sat down to reevaluate our life.
We look around my little apartment, and we just reflect on everything that we do have, and don't bash ourselves for the things we don't. I look back 4 years at my first apartment, how I had a total of 2 paintings on the wall (I bought in the mall for $10.00), a couch, a dining room table I got off craigslist, and a matress that sat on the floor. And I guess that was okay for then, but now I've got 2 little dogs to take care of, I've got a husband to take care of. We've filled our walls with paintings and pictures of our families, we have bookshelves of all his favorite books and all of my favorite movies, a piano for Joe to practice on, a diningroom table that was passed down in his family, and we've upgraded to a beautiful sleigh bed. Well that's the the material things. The love that flows through our tiny apartment is unreal. We have so much love and care, we'd both do anything for eachother and others. As much as I'll miss this place, it's time to move :-).
Baby News?
No...
You know that test we were putting off, sono something? The one that was way to expensive to do at first and I figured, I got pregnant once before my tubes can't be blocked.
Boy was I wrong.
We ended up saving up and had the test done last friday.
Turns out my right tube is blocked. This can easily be fixed with a surgery. Now if the test was not covered by insurance, I'm pretty sure the surgery is not covered either. So, we'll find out on Tuesday what insurance says and what the doctors say...
But I feel like everything is stacking against us trying to have a baby.
I'm up to 4 flaws of why I can't have a baby!
Hah, and I thought I was healthy...
But, hopefully nothing else happens, hopefully this is all that is wrong with me and after these stupid problems are fixed we can finally start a family.
Joe hates seeing me upset and cry and get stressed over having a baby.
But I asked if I can have 10 minutes to cry my face off...
He said yes, of course.
He held me and I cried.
And I surprisingly felt really good afterwards!
I'm back on my feet! I'm ready to take this bull by the horns and totally beat this thing.
He keeps telling me that when we finally have this baby... We are going to have so much love for him or her and we are really going to appreciate all the work that we've done to get them more than anything else in the world.
I'm glad we've never been "given'' anything. I think that has been our plan from the start. Work hard and you'll be rewarded greatly. We're working our asses off to have a baby, hopefully we end up with 5 healthy ones! We're working our asses off to get a house, a great big one in the perfect neighborhood and a pool would be nice! We struggled with that stupid car for a year and we finally get a break on our payment, hell yeah!
We've worked for everything we have and in the process don't owe ANYBODY ANYTHING!
It's a great feeling.
Let's bring you up to speed.
The other night, another disappointment came...
And I took a deep breath, and realized I think it's time to move.
I actually considered moving to Wisconsin. I started looking at real estate out there and boy the houses there are beautiful!
And I did all that with no anxiety... So are we meant to move away? Get away from all the stress and disappointments here?
Or would that be considedered running away...
Hmm...
Me and Joe made a pact last night.
He's going to buy me a house, and I'm going to give him a baby.
No matter what!
:-)
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Things are looking up!
About a month ago we decided it was time to refinance our ridiculously overpriced car. They said "Sorry! No-can-do." Being self-employed has it's benefits but definately sucks when it comes to making purchases. We chucked it up as a loss and we'll be stuck paying this car payment for a while.
Well...
Joe had visited the bank the other day and asked to speak with the bank manager to see what she can do for us. She took a look at my income knowing I'm self employed, looked at him, and wanted us to come in immediately because she can "work something out."
Unfortunately, this was last Thursday and because this weekend was a "holiday" we couldn't get a hold of our financing company to pay them off. So, here it is Tuesday, and I'm so excited to meet up with this manager and finally see what she can do for us. After filling out 3 million papers we have officially refinanced our car for half the interest we were paying before!
It's amazing the power that a manager has above the rest of their employees.
Finally, we've gotten a break!
Life is just throwing curveballs at us this past year or so and it's been so tough. It's nice to see a reward for all our hard work and all the heartache that we've been through.
Baby News?
Nope.
But, I'm more excited than ever about it.
I found out today that even if we were to get pregnant, my body doesn't have the right properties to support a pregnancy, which explains the 2 previous losses. So, although we may not be pregnant right now, I'm excited to know that what it wrong with me may easily be fixed with a few pills (hopefully). And with the IUI, they explained that we can choose not to go that route is money is the issue, we can just continue trying the old-fashioned way especially since we've gotten pregnant before.
Luther Vandross, work your magic!
And now a quick rant.
I read this book once. It was about a boy in a family of 3 children and he was the black sheep. His whole family blonde hair blue eyes and he was total opposite. His brothers made him feel out of place and his parents were no better. He was treated differently at family functions, he never got the same gifts for Christmas or his birthday. He was just really alone. Although the love was kind of there, he could never help but wonder what it'd be like to be in a regular family.
Which brings me to my point.
I see this very situation happening everyday with someone close to me, and I can't help but wonder why a parent would treat their children not as equals. I know I won't be a perfect parent, but I know all my children will be treated equally no matter how different they are.
So, in a nutshell. Things are really starting to look up for us...
Well...
Joe had visited the bank the other day and asked to speak with the bank manager to see what she can do for us. She took a look at my income knowing I'm self employed, looked at him, and wanted us to come in immediately because she can "work something out."
Unfortunately, this was last Thursday and because this weekend was a "holiday" we couldn't get a hold of our financing company to pay them off. So, here it is Tuesday, and I'm so excited to meet up with this manager and finally see what she can do for us. After filling out 3 million papers we have officially refinanced our car for half the interest we were paying before!
It's amazing the power that a manager has above the rest of their employees.
Finally, we've gotten a break!
Life is just throwing curveballs at us this past year or so and it's been so tough. It's nice to see a reward for all our hard work and all the heartache that we've been through.
Baby News?
Nope.
But, I'm more excited than ever about it.
I found out today that even if we were to get pregnant, my body doesn't have the right properties to support a pregnancy, which explains the 2 previous losses. So, although we may not be pregnant right now, I'm excited to know that what it wrong with me may easily be fixed with a few pills (hopefully). And with the IUI, they explained that we can choose not to go that route is money is the issue, we can just continue trying the old-fashioned way especially since we've gotten pregnant before.
Luther Vandross, work your magic!
And now a quick rant.
I read this book once. It was about a boy in a family of 3 children and he was the black sheep. His whole family blonde hair blue eyes and he was total opposite. His brothers made him feel out of place and his parents were no better. He was treated differently at family functions, he never got the same gifts for Christmas or his birthday. He was just really alone. Although the love was kind of there, he could never help but wonder what it'd be like to be in a regular family.
Which brings me to my point.
I see this very situation happening everyday with someone close to me, and I can't help but wonder why a parent would treat their children not as equals. I know I won't be a perfect parent, but I know all my children will be treated equally no matter how different they are.
So, in a nutshell. Things are really starting to look up for us...
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