Why is the world so overpriced?

Things happen in life for a reason and I believe it's to be taught a lesson.
Joe tells me day in and day out, God won't deal us anything we can't handle.

When Joe lost his job the first time, it was unexpected and really sucked, but we got through it. The second time really sucked, but we breezed through like champs!
Through the miscarriages I felt like I hit a wall, but we stuck together and here we are still trying.

The ups and downs, it's what builds character, right?

So, after getting knocked down time and again, Joe and I are good, caring people and now we have all this freakin' character, but I really just want a break...
My personality doesn't need anymore character!

I think I've finally hit the brick wall that just won't let in any more character...
Long story short, turns out we probably won't be that lucky in having children...
Things are more complicated than we thought when all this started.
The part that hurts the most is that the only thing stopping us from continuing our journey to have a baby is the fact we can't afford the insemination treatments.
I was really hoping and prayin and crossing my fingers so damn tight that this wouldn't be that hard and a simple pill will get me pregnant.



I used to watch these shows like The Little Couple and Guiliani and Bill, and my heart goes to them because they were trying to get pregnant and went through IVF and all that, but I am so sure that by allowing the cameras the follow them the freakin network paid for everything for them.  What about the average person, never in a million years will I be able to pay for IVF. Thousands and thousands of dollars that I simply don't have.  How do these offices expect average people to afford these things.  I thank god that I've only had to pay a $15.00 copay a few times a week, plus a few other odds and ends medications. My total would have been well over 5 grand without insurance.

Unreal.


I simply just don't have the fight in me anymore, and as bad as I wanna keep my chin up, I'm just heartbroken..


So, I guess it's about that time to call it quits with these doctors visits. Instead, we'll pay 12.99 on Luther Vandross Ultimate Collection, and keep trying to make babies the old fashioned way and maybe one day we'll get lucky?

Keep your fingers crossed...

The year is quickly coming to an end...

2011 has been a wonderful year for Joe and I.


Although it may seem like we didn't accomplish a whole lot, we surprisingly did!


We both graduated school and got a little business going.
We got married in June!
We both found fantastic jobs which believe me, is definitely a blessing in itself!
We may not have a baby yet, but we're well on our way!
We don't have a house yet but have set ourselves up so incredibly well that I believe by the end of next year, we'll be in a house!


It's just been a wonderful year...


So, this year I wanna start bettering myself and doing more things for others. In a couple weeks I will start taking the alter flowers at church to people in the hospital or nursing homes.
So that's a start, right?


I need to find my thing.  That thing that I'm really good at and enjoy doing it...


Hmm...


Time to begin the hunt!

I hope I'm not getting my hopes up...

Well guys....




I am so freakin' excited.


I went to my doctors appointment Thursday morning. I was so anxious and I didn't know what to expect.  Last appointment my follicle was 14mm and my estrogen was at 84.  And in order to really be excited we needed a 20mm+ follicle and 100+ estrogen.






16mm AND 203 estrogen BABY!






HELL YEAH!




Carol, the tech who has been with me, was litterally cheering me on while on the phone and she was so excited for me. I can't even believe it! I had to go back on Saturday to keep checking and keep hoping that everything is going up.






So, now we're waiting for everything to just fall into place pretty much.


I went back this morning for my appointment and the most amazing thing is happening.


I am at 330 estrogen and 23mm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




Anyday now I will ovulate.


Anyday now I could become pregnant.


I am so excited, hopefully not overly excited.










My biggest worry is that we're going to miscarry again. I really don't think I have it in me to face it again. Especially after all this that we've gone through.  But maybe this could definately be our time because damn it, I'm ready!!




Which brings me to my next point..




It's really starting to get under my skin all the folks that are saying "but you're so young, why are you trying to have children?" or "I would kill my 21 year old if they were going through infertility treatments" and "Do you think you're ready to have children at such a young age?" and "Can you afford a child?"




Let me tell you what....




I am having children at such a young age..
#1-I'm don't want to be 60 years old going to my childs highschol graduation
#2-I am healthy now, why wait 10 years and risk the possibility of missing out because of health concerns.
#3-Obviously your child and myself are at 2 levels of maturity. Please don't compare me to the typical 21 year old.
4#-Is anyone ever really ready to have a child? Financially or emotionally? I accept the responsibility and I think that's really all you need to do.  If I wait until I can "financially" ready, I will NEVER have kids.


There are a million and 1 reasons to put off having kids.
But there are a million and 2 reasons why I can't wait to see what Joe and I's baby is going to look like.

It's amazing what doctors can do these days..

What a week!

Working like crazy, very tired...

Joe had surgery on his shoulder last week and everything went really well!  He is getting a lot of range of motion very quickly, I'm surprised.  He is going to have 3 little scars on his right shoulder but I was looking at it this morning and they are healing so well!

It's amazing what doctors can do these days...



Baby news?


No :-(


Well, Kinda.


So, I started the medication, Clomid. And you know all those little side effected that are posted on the side of the bottle that nobody ever gets?  Guess who got them all!! It was 5 days of hell!!! I won't go into details but believe me, it sucked. 
Well, I took the medicine from Saturday-Wednesday, and a checkup on Thursday.  No change in my folicles in my ovaries, no change in my bloodwork. I was a little disappointed but read online that it can take up to 5-10 days. There is still hope!
I went back the following Tuesday for my next checkup, It started off as a really bad day. My appointment was at 7:45 am, and I woke up at 7:40! I hit every red light on my way there, It was no fun... I finally arrived at 8:10 and was told to get ready, I said a little prayer that something would just happen. Anything, ya know?

My prayer worked. 

 During my ultra sound we found a folicle that is 14 mm!!! My biggest one to date is about 6-7mm, so finally, something is working in there! It needs to get up to 20 in order to ovulate and get real excited, but at least this is a start right?
She told me not to get too excited yet because we need to get my bloodwork back and see if it is producing estrogen. 
Okay, I understand. But I'm still excited!!!

Seeing that black blob on the ultra sound brought tears to my eyes, I can't even imagine what seeing a little babies heartbeat!!

About 2 hours later I get a call from my doctor saying that there was a spike in estrogen, from 34 (I dunno the measurement) to 86! She said it needs to be over 100 to do anything, but I have faith that when I go back Thursday morning, we very well may be over 20mm folicles and over 100 estrogen count.
Again, it's amazing what doctors can do...

Let's keep out fingers crossed!!!