We made a pact.

I've been trying for a week to write a blog.... and each time I started I got stumped on what to write or how I was feeling... But I finally got it.



A little background to my story:

When Joe first took this job working at Air Wisconsin, he said there was only so much he can move up in the company here in Philadelphia.  If he wants to go even higher he would more than likely have to move to Wisconsin.  I told him, "Hell No!" I was born here in Delaware, a majority of my family is here on the east coast, this is where I want to stay.  Just the thought of moving halfway across the US gave me anxiety.

This past week I am trying to let go of disappointment in my life.  Whether it be from past problems, grudges, or this whole baby thing (We'll get to more of that later).
So, I sat down to reevaluate our life.

We look around my little apartment, and we just reflect on everything that we do have, and don't bash ourselves for the things we don't.  I look back 4 years at my first apartment, how I had a total of 2 paintings on the wall (I bought in the mall for $10.00), a couch, a dining room table I got off craigslist, and a matress that sat on the floor. And I guess that was okay for then, but now I've got 2 little dogs to take care of, I've got a husband to take care of.  We've filled our walls with paintings and pictures of our families, we have bookshelves of all his favorite books and all of my favorite movies, a piano for Joe to practice on, a diningroom table that was passed down in his family, and we've upgraded to a beautiful sleigh bed. Well that's the the material things.  The love that flows through our tiny apartment is unreal.  We have so much love and care, we'd both do anything for eachother and others. As much as I'll miss this place, it's time to move :-). 

Baby News?

No...

You know that test we were putting off, sono something? The one that was way to expensive to do at first and I figured, I got pregnant once before my tubes can't be blocked.
Boy was I wrong.
We ended up saving up and had the test done last friday.
Turns out my right tube is blocked.   This can easily be fixed with a surgery.   Now if the test was not covered by insurance, I'm pretty sure the surgery is not covered either.  So, we'll find out on Tuesday what insurance says and what the doctors say...
But I feel like everything is stacking against us trying to have a baby. 
I'm up to 4 flaws of why I can't have a baby!
Hah, and I thought I was healthy...
But, hopefully nothing else happens, hopefully this is all that is wrong with me and after these stupid problems are fixed we can finally start a family.

Joe hates seeing me upset and cry and get stressed over having a baby.
But I asked if I can have 10 minutes to cry my face off...
He said yes, of course.
He held me and I cried.
And I surprisingly felt really good afterwards!



I'm back on my feet! I'm ready to take this bull by the horns and totally beat this thing.

He keeps telling me that when we finally have this baby... We are going to have so much love for him or her and we are really going to appreciate all the work that we've done to get them more than anything else in the world.

I'm glad we've never been "given'' anything.  I think that has been our plan from the start.  Work hard and you'll be rewarded greatly.  We're working our asses off to have a baby, hopefully we end up with 5 healthy ones!  We're working our asses off to get a house, a great big one in the perfect neighborhood and a pool would be nice! We struggled with that stupid car for a year and we finally get a break on our payment, hell yeah!
We've worked for everything we have and in the process don't owe ANYBODY ANYTHING!
It's a great feeling.

Let's bring you up to speed.

The other night, another disappointment came...
And I took a deep breath, and realized I think it's time to move.
I actually considered moving to Wisconsin.  I started looking at real estate out there and boy the houses there are beautiful!
And I did all that with no anxiety... So are we meant to move away? Get away from all the stress and disappointments here?
Or would that be considedered running away...
Hmm...



Me and Joe made a pact last night.




He's going to buy me a house, and I'm going to give him a baby.

No matter what!

:-)