Can you put a price on a child?

Okay here we go...
I've written this blog twice now. And each time I get close to the end my thumbs hit the mouse pad on my lap top and highlight something and the whole thing erases... UGH!
This time I am outsmarting this damn computer, and turning the mouse pad off!
Jeez...












Letting go of disappointment, keeping my head up, and staying brave.


It's a hell of a lot easier said than done...




This last round of Clomid failed to work, so Tuesday I had a consult with my doctor.  I got some really good news and some really bad news.
He said he will do the surgery for me, run it under a different diagnosis, and it will be covered by insurance.. YAY! The next step would be to start a different approach with medication. It's a medication (Not sure the name of it, I think he said FSH or something) that is 5 times stronger than Clomid, and there is a high risk of muliples on this medication.  Oh darn.... NOT! I would love to have mutiples lol. Unfortunately, this shot requires a lot of monitoring so I'd be going there more frequently which would raise a red flag to my insurance and it'd no longer be covered. Bummer... And they would do 2 rounds of IUI with this medication. Fun... So the price of this option, all office visits and blood work is $2,200.00. The medication is not included in that and depending on how much of a dosage I would need, it's anywhere from an additional $2,000-$4,000...
You've got to be kidding me....


Well,  I ask if there are any other options, because I tell ya what...we do not have that kind of money just laying around.


The other option is to do IVF and I'm sure you all know what that is.  But this would bypass the surgery, and I would no longer need it. Okay, well that sounds awesome.  So, I ask them...how much is this one going to run me?


Mind you, I'm going into this thinking I'm going to spend a thousand dollars, maybe 2.


These people tell me it's $8,000.00 for IVF.... Not including medication, program fees, and all this other crap. So a total of almost $12,000!! Now you've really got to be kidding me....
I'd like to know what people do for a living to just say "Okay sign me up!"
I feel like I'm buying a car!
The absolute worst part about all this is that they don't accept payments. Now okay, I'd be paying for my baby for the next 4 years just like a car payment, I can do payments, but $12,000 up front?! Come on...you guys are killing me....




Leaving extremely discouraged and about the size of a peanut, I go home and collect my thoughts.






Can you really put a price on a child?  If someone tells me I can't have a child unless I pay them X amount of dollars, I tell you this now, I will save until I'm blue in the face to reach X amount of dollars and make a baby. I've worked too damn hard to have money get in my way of becoming a mother. If you told me I can't have kids because of a medical condition, that's different, but money?
I don't think so...






I leave the house with this in mind, and I recieved a session of Reiki.  I've never had it done before but I keep getting told it's exactly what I need... Well okay if you insist :-)
I went in with an open mind and throughout the entire thing it was a feeling I never experienced before.  Being able to share your emotions with someone who knows just a handful about you. Being able to let them show you the journey you need to take to clear your mind and become at peace with your thoughts and how to manage them. I stood up, wiped away a few tears, and I felt cold inside.  And not the kind of "cold hearted" most people think of. But I felt like so much bad energy was just cleared away and my body can finally breathe in fresh air. 


I felt like a new person who could take on the world.


Combining that with a few breath prayers I was given by a special someone, I'm definately ready to take this whole situation on full force. I thought I was ready before and the difference between before and now, I actually believe in myself that I can do this. I will become a mother and Joe will become a father. We made a pact right?






What's my game plan?


I'm going to schedule the surgery. IVF or not, I want my tubes to be fixed. I'm going to ask this office again if they will work with me with payments, because if not I'm going to have to leave them.  I found another office right in Christiana Hospital that actually accepts payments for their IVF program.  If that is the way I need to go, then so be it.  I love this office, I love the personal touch I get there, and I love the one on one time, but what good is that if I can't afford to be there?
I may love the look and feel of a brand new Audi, but I sure as hell can't afford to drive it! lol


I'm going to give this new place a call and set up a consultation and see what they can do for me. Let's keep our fingers crossed that something good really does come out of all this :-)






I just want to thank anyone who has been a part of this whole journey... Even the ones who just sit there an listen, believe me you have no idea how much it's appreciated...




Keep your head up, and keep those fingers crossed!












Oh, and the mousepad thing worked... And I think I'm going to use it from now on because it stopped me from getting distracted and going to facebook. Haha!